Stuff on my mind

• It's so strange not being pregnant anymore. In most ways it's wonderful! My belly (for the most part) is gone. Yesterday I actually put on a pair of pre-pregnant panties and they fit...well, they were a little tight, but they almost fit! I don't need to go to the bathroom every hour. I can almost sleep on my stomach, and laying on my back doesn't hurt or cut off circulation. I can see my feet! All of my swelling is gone. I have much more physical energy and can do things around the house again. The list could go on and on. One thing I am surprised that I miss is my team of docs. After having my incision checked at the OB's, there is a feeling of 'Okay, well have a nice life' in the air. After months of weekly or bi-weekly appointments, I started to feel like I knew these people -- their kids names, their own pregnancy experiences, where they went to school, etc. It's just odd to look at my calendar and not see doc appointments on there, and to know I won't be going back until my next annual Pap exam in a year. I actually kinda-sorta-just-a-little-bit miss my OB and his staff. Very odd.
• I am passing up new business every day. Word got out in the NICU that I know a thing or two about real estate, and now they flock to me. Who would have guessed nurses and doctors in the NICU would be such a pond for business. However, I'm out of real estate right now and have no desire or interest to go back anytime soon. I find it rather annoying to be trying to feed one of my babies and have a nurse I don't know start asking me market questions. I have been passing all prospects on to a friend of mine who is still in the game. I hope she likes all the free clients I'm giving her. :)
• Speaking of careers, I'm not sure what I am going to do when the time is right for me to go back to work. I never considered real estate my profession. It's what I do to make money -- good money. It's not my passion though. My love, my passion, my education and background is in journalism and politics. It's a tough road though. At some point several years ago, I decided that I wanted a better lifestyle more than I wanted to starve being a reporter or freelance writer. Now things are different. Hubby's career is in a much different place, and I have more freedom to explore it again without fear of financial hardship. Plus, a big election year is already starting to heat up and I feel that pull again. Hmm...what to do, what to do... (By the way, don't just me as a writer based on this blog. There is a reason I call it stream of consciousness.)
• Oh, there is other stuff, but I need some sleep.

Carson's Impression of a Traffic Cone

One of the nice volunteers at the NICU found out that we are UT fans. So she knitted two burnt orange and white knit hats for the twins. Side Effect: He looks like a traffic cone!

Oh, and sorry for all of the up-shots. His little nose really isn't that big, but they have his bed angled in such a way that I always photograph right up his nose!

Just another Wednesday

I don't have much to post...therefore the absence. The twins are doing well. Kate has a cyst type thing on her right forearm. They think it's where her last IV location was at, but that was well over a week ago. It's about the size of a pea, but on her tiny arm that's huge. They started her on antibiotics last night, even though she isn't showing any signs of infection. We are worried about her.

Carson is still chugging away...fat and happy. :) He is getting to wear clothes now that he can maintain his own body temp. His IV is finally out, and we are all happy about that. With less wires and more clothes on, he actually looks like a cute, content little baby. The only thing holding him back from coming home is his indifference towards bottle feeding. Sometimes he does great with it, and other times he shows no interest.

Kate is eating 30 ml per feeding (30 ml = 1 oz), and Carson is up to 35 ml per feeding. Kate is on a special high-calorie formula mixed in with breast milk.

My mom is coming into town on Friday to visit. I think she will be surprised at how much they have improved in the past two weeks.

Saturday Photos

Fussy Kate
Carson loves sucking his fingers
When we aren't there, the twins' do artwork!

Not much to report. The babies are doing great. Both have mastered the art of bottle feedings. They are still doing some tube feedings (to conserve calories & energy), but they are taking more than 20 cc in the bottle per feeding.

My long time friend Amanda -- the one I went to DC with -- was in town for business and came up to see the twins.

It's a beautiful day here in Austin. It feels like spring finally. I am trying to wake Hubby from his nap to go look at more professional cameras. I am using the birth of the twins are an excuse to buy the camera I've always wanted. :)

Should I put all of the twins' photos into one big photo album or should I create two books for each twin? I am thinking one day they will want their baby photos and this way they won't have to sort through them and separate them. What do you think? Advice needed.

Bottle Feeding

For months my blog has been exclusively limited to my twin pregnancy, so this will be a brief change of topic...

Am I the only one who is just sick of and horrified at this whole Anna Nicole Smith legal stuff? I have never been a "fan" of Smith, but I feel sorry for her at this point...regardless of the cause of her death. This circus of a legal proceeding that's on every single cable news channel is an embarrassment to our justice system. As the wife of a lawyer, step-daughter of a state judge, and just generally as an intelligent citizen, this is ridiculous. The judge needs to be strung up. Her mother is disgusting and should be ashamed of herself. Stern seems like a class A free-loader. Birkhead looks to be the sane one, and most likely the father of the baby. I find it amusing that a probate judge is straying so far off the topic of who should make the decision as where to bury her that it's laughable. Anyway, bury the poor woman next to her son. She bought three extra plots next to him, and that shows intent to me. Also, as a Texan, I am tired of the pronunciation butchering of her hometown...Mexia...Ma-hay-uh.

At my incision appointment, I discovered that I have a very slight infection. So I am now cleaning the wound with some special solution, and will have it looked at again next Tuesday. No biggie. They all commented on how good I look now. I've lost 32 lbs in 9 days, and I really do feel back to normal.

Kate drank 4 cc from a nippled bottle today! Big milestone. She was able to suck, swallow and breath. This is a big test, and she passed with flying colors. It exhausted her, but she mastered it. She will continue with tube feeding, but I will be bottle feeding her more and more everyday. She will need to be able to suck down 40 cc in order to go home. Afterwards, I kangarooed her. Sweet baby. :)

I also kangarooed Carson. The entire time I held him he farted up a storm! This is a great thing since it was a massive build up of gas on his tummy that caused all the problems yesterday. He is so cute. He slept, smiled and farted the whole time. :)

I feel good today.

The Roller Coaster Ride Continues

We had another rocky day with Carson in the NICU. We got a call at the crack of dawn this morning that he had thrown up bile overnight, so he would be having some tests and x-rays done. So we rushed up there. To make a long story short, we still aren't completely sure what's wrong with him and they will continue to closely monitor him, but he may just have severe gas. His tummy is slightly bloated looking, his blood work came back perfect, and it looked like gas on the x-rays. He won't be eating for a few days...they want to make sure it's not an infection in the intestines.

*Sigh* I am just spent. I did double duty last night since Hubby claimed to be so tired. So much for our new schedule. Today was going to be my catch-up-on-rest day, but the events with Carson prevented that.

Kate is doing great...just getting her sleep in her little box. I held her for over two hours last night while Carson slept. It's amazing that a little girl that small could be so tough.

She's tougher than I have been lately. I'm now pretty sure I have some mild form of "Baby Blues." Apparently I have most of the signs: twin birth, pre-eclampsia, diabetes or gestational diabetes, NICU stress, pre-term labor/early delivery, difficulty breastfeeding, loss of appetite, insomnia, exhaustion, getting easily irritated, and crying often. Yes on all accounts. I read today that over 85% of mothers of multiples experience some degree of "baby blues." It has something to do with the immediate drop in estrogen and progesterone levels after birth. It usually manifests itself 3-4 days after birth and is gone by 3 weeks post-birth. It's not postpartum depression. It's a hormone adjustment. Postpartum depression is much more serious...suicidal thoughts, hating the babies, etc. I am definitely NOT like that. I just find myself crying a lot, exhausted, and my husband seems to be pissing me off a lot more. Not to mention I've snapped at my mother, mother-in-law, and a few nurses. I can even tell a change in my tone when I re-read my blog posts.

For some stupid reason it's taboo to talk about. I can't even find other women who have blogged about their experiences with it.

The strange thing about the crying is that it's usually irrational. I start to sob and then 10 minutes later I feel great again and I can't remember what set off the crying. It's the damnest thing.

Hubby let me nap this evening and he is up visiting the kiddos tonight. I was finally getting some sleep when my mother-in-law called...again. Grrr. Oh, and I'm trying this herbal stuff recommended by my OB's office called More Milk Plus. It's suppose to help jump start the milk production. I am having my incision checked tomorrow at the OB's...should be fun. ;)

Drum Roll Please...

Carson without his oxygen mask!

Sleep Glorious Sleep

What a difference a good night's sleep can make! I feel like a new, re-energized person. I can't remember the last time I slept so hard, and I really needed it.

Hubby had a good visit with the babies last night. It felt strange not going with him, but I need to get used to this new schedule. They moved the twins to a new "bay" (NICU language) due to staffing needs. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now. We were finally starting to learn all of the nurse's names and schedules, and meeting the other families in our area. Plus, Katherine's bed was next to the window which was nice since the rest of the NICU looks like a dark cave. They also put Katherine in an incubator (i.e., clear plastic box). They told us days ago this would be happening and that it was a step-up since she has been improving so much, but it's scary looking. He said there were two large holes to stick your arms through, but she was no longer in the open air. We were told that being in "the box" would advance her growth because it's a cozy, warm, quiet space for her to just simply grow.

Hubby kangarooed Kate, and he said Carson was raising holy hell with the nurse. He didn't get a good look, but thought she was changing his diaper. For some reason, our babies don't like when other people touch them. They get very vocal!

Random thought...I had the strangest dream last night. I can't remember all of the details, but it had something to do with catching my mother-in-law putting some type of liquid in my Diet Sprite. When Hubby asked her about it, she confessed that it was fertility drugs and since we produce such pretty babies she wanted more grandchildren. I don't even want to start deconstructing that dream! I will just file it under the bizarre workings of my subconscious category. :)

One Week Down

Today the twins' turned one week old. I can't decide if this first week flew by or if it was the slowest week in history. Can it be both?

I received a call from the babies' neo doc -- one I haven't met or heard about before. Apparently, this neo doc will be their primary doctor while they are in NICU. He was on vacation last week and that's why we were dealing with so many other docs (they were filling in for him). He seemed nice on the phone, and he wants us to meet with him tomorrow for a face-to-face meeting.

Here's what he had to report:

Katherine...he described her a phenomenal little girl, amazingly strong given her size and age; they are increasing her feedings because she is handling it well and is on the path to gaining weight; tomorrow she will be taken off of her IV and will only have a heart monitor after that (amazing!); she needs to be at or near 4 lbs. to maintain her body temp with no problems.

Carson...they are advancing his feedings as well; he is 2-3 days behind his sister in the food department due to his very rocky first 48 hours of life; he will be on the horrible oxygen mask thing for another 24 hours but it may come off tomorrow morning.

Overall, he said they looked excellent, and one or both of them will be coming home around week 35-36 weeks...unless, of course, something unforeseen happens. I am now in week 33 (or would have been I should say), so we are looking at about 2-3 weeks more of NICU, and that's if all goes well. He also said I really need to rest, drink more water and perhaps cut back on my NICU hours because my milk production is not where it should or needs to be. I completely agree. So, hubby and I are trying a new schedule. I will visit them during the day (and he will focus on his job and work), and hubby will visit them alone at night (and let me rest). On the weekends we will visit them together. Today I put in over 3 hours at the NICU, and I am just exhausted.

I can't continue with the 6-7 hours a day of doing that. Last week I was running on adrenaline, and now I feel like I have physically crashed and burned. My legs hurt, the swelling in my ankles/feet is not getting better, I am not eating nearly enough, my incision feels sore again, I am bleeding more, and I'm having some cramping again. None of these are good signs and I need to just get things back in balance. I feel like I could sleep for days.

I am seeing my OB on Thursday, and I am going in inquire about a drug to help advance my milk production. I really hope he will give me something. I never thought I would say this, but I basically want to feel like Elsie the cow. I want to produce so much milk that I have to freeze it. I want the babies off of donor milk.

P.S. Kate smiled today! I am sure it was just gas since she doesn't have the cognitive ability to express emotions yet, but it was definitely a smile...witnessed by a nurse and all. :) Too cute!

Arrival for fellow pregnant-with-twins chick

I want to send out a big congratulations to Jessica on the birth of her twins -- Nola and Madeleine. They were born today and look beautiful. She is a fellow (and now ex-) pregnant-with-twins blogger.

Here is her blog...

The Power of Hormones...Bad Night @ NICU

I spoke too soon about the oxygen mask. We were so excited about going up to the NICU last night because we thought we would get to finally see Carson without all the masks and whatnot. When we got up there, they were still on him.

There was also a respiratory therapist from another local hospital filling in for the regular therapist that night. This woman was a bitch. There is no other nice, sugar-coated way to say it. I asked her about the mask situation and if it was coming off tonight, and she all but called me a liar when I mentioned the neo doc had said that morning it was coming off. She had a cold, piss-poor attitude and was extremely rude. Here's the thing...if Carson still needs help, then by all means keep the mask on and give him the help he still needs. BUT tread lightly when you start getting an attitude and calling a highly emotional NICU mother a liar.

Once she left the room, I did kangaroo time with Carson and Hubby held Kate. Then the emotions flooded to the surface. I started crying and I just couldn't stop. Part of it was the disappointment of the mask situation, part of it was my exhaustion (6 hours a day in a NICU is draining), part of it was the realization that this was our life now. I was just a mess. I feel like I've been so strong this week -- both physically and emotionally -- and constantly telling people the twins are doing great (which they are) that it all just caught up with me. The babies are doing great in the NICU. We have been incredibly lucky that our 32 week twins are having no major trouble at all. They had all the cards stacked against them, and they have proven all the docs and stats wrong so far. But, frankly, this sucks! I hate that it takes a team of nurses to hand Carson to me due to all of his wires. If you combined all of the wires I have in my home office -- 2 desktop computers, 2 laptops, fax/copier/printer machine, and phone -- it still wouldn't equal how many wires are connected to my son. After holding him for an hour, the plastic mask thing leaves an indention in my skin where his face had been resting. They are pinning his arms down now because he has pulled out his own feeding tube in his mouth twice now. He tugs and pushes on his mask...he obviously hates it too. Kate is making headway, but she is still so tiny. Sometimes she reminds me of a hairless baby bird in a nest...granted, she is a beautiful baby bird. It's just not the fantasy. It's not what I dreamed about for 8 months. I thought I would make my 36 week goal and would be able to leave the hospital with the twins. I thought a week after delivery I would be complaining about my lack of sleep due to all of the 3 AM feedings. I know we made the right decision to take them out at 32 weeks -- especially after the neo doc told us Kate wouldn't have survived another week in the womb -- but I still can't completely shake the lingering feeling of disappointment. Not in the twins (they are perfect), but in myself for not holding them in longer. Should I have put myself on bed rest sooner? Should I have not done so much shopping in the last few weeks? I could go on. Hubby hates it when I do this because he knows how much I gave up with ensure a successful pregnancy...including my own business.

Before I was released from the hospital last week, the nurses had told me watch out for a lot of emotions and possible depression. Carrying twins means I had an incredible amount of hormones running through me for 8 months and the stress of having babies in the NICU puts me at risk for depression. I don't think so. At least not right now. I think I just had a bad night, and I feel better this morning.

I feel slightly embarrassed I lost it at the NICU last night. It's the second time they've seen me cry, and I don't want them to label me as the basket case mom. If they do that then I'm worried they will be more cautious about what they tell me, and I want to know every little thing (good and bad).

Okay, I better start getting ready for my morning visit to the NICU. Hubby has returned to work today, so this is my first day back with my own car and a slightly normal schedule. Sorry for all the bitching and venting today, but that's why I have a blog. I just needed to get all that off my chest. NICU life is tough and I can't wait to get my babies home.

Good-bye Oxygen Mask

Just a quick update post...

Our morning NICU visit was great. We got there right as the neo doc was finishing up his morning assessment of the twins. This time it was the same doc that was in the delivery room with me. (There are five neo docs in the NICU that rotate. We like all of them.) He told us that Carson's breathing issue and heart murmur have both been 100% fixed. Carson is doing so well and breathing so normally that they will be removing that horrible looking oxygen mask either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. I can't wait. I still haven't seen his face without any crap on it. Kate also go a good report card. They are both eating all of their food, keeping it down (no "residual"), and both slowly gaining weight. Both of them are now heavier than their birth weights -- they had both lost some weight after birth. So we are happy with the good report card on the twins.

It's a beautiful day here in Austin. I am going to do some work around the house, open the windows to let the house air out, and enjoy the day.

This is sooo gross!

One of a long list of things "they" don't tell you about until after you are experiencing it post-delivery....

Massively swollen feet and ankles! I was told this is normal. That has something to do with my body re-organizing itself and not knowing where to put the extra fluids my body is trying to expel post-delivery. Anyway, I had Hubby take these nasty photos outside of the NICU because I wanted it documented just how bad it was. It's so bad that I'm having trouble walking because I have no movement in my ankles.


Oh, and for the record...I have bony feet and ankles....always have...so this is what I look like 3 times my normal size.


Yuck!

1st Time Holding Carson

I finally got to hold my baby Carson today! He is such a doll baby! He wrapped his little hand around my finger and held on tight for a full hour. Like his sister, Carson LOVES kangaroo time with his mommy. His breathing, heart rate and oxygen saturation were all perfect during the hour I held him. I thought we were way over due for some kangaroo time. I thought that he might be having some anxiety being separated from me (i.e., the only thing he knows), so now the nurses want me to hold him as much as possible. As you can see, we finally got a photo of him with his peepers open! Isn't he cute? His eyes look brown right now, but it's still way too soon to tell.

We got another excellent report from the neo docs today. Both kiddos are doing very well. Carson has made huge strides now that his heart murmur is pretty much fixed thanks to some drug therapy. They are both having a few apnea episodes, but that is what you can expect at their age. They are closely monitored (of course), and will grow out of it in a week or so.

The twins apparently love my breast milk, and their digestive systems are working perfectly. They are slowly packing on some weight. They started out taking 3 cc of milk and today they are up to 8 cc!

Update: I just got back from our evening NICU visit. Once again, I held Carson for an hour. And once again, everything went wonderfully. Is it normal for a baby to snore? Light snoring. It was cute and funny, but give me enough time and I can come up with a million things to worry about. Hubby held Kate again, and we are both falling desperately in love with our babies. Someone told me when I was pregnant that you don't really know what true, pure love is until you become a parent. That's not to say you don't love your parents or your spouse, but it's completely different than the love you have for your child. Now I completely understand that sentiment. Amazing!

My C-Section Experience

I have a few minutes to post something about the birth of my twins before I have another pumping session.

In the days leading up to the c-section I was so bitchy, on edge and scared...and it was all for nothing! Honestly, the C-section wasn't bad at all. The worst part was getting the IV and that's mainly due to a nurse who opposed using the numbing shot first. I didn't even feel them giving me the spinal block. I was waiting and waiting and then I asked, "When are you going to do it?" Just as I said that I could feel all this warmth traveling up and down my body. They laughed and said it was done. Being shaved was interesting. I remember making jokes to the poor nurse who had that task.

My OB came into the OR and said hello, kissed me on the forehead and asked me if I was excited. I just love my OB. However, I expected him to give some kind of play-by-play of events as they were happening, but he didn't. Hubby was sitting next to my head, holding my left hand, and looked scared. I was amazingly calm.

Next thing I heard was the voice of my OB saying, "Happy Birthday Katherine! Hi little girl!" There was no cry. They covered her in a blanket and rushed her out of the room. I didn't even get a glimpse. I looked at Hubby and he looked like he was about to lose it; he squeeze my hand. I could tell he was smiling even though he had on a mask.

Next I felt all kinds of tugging and pulling. Nothing hurt, of course, but I could tell Carson was going to be a lot bigger than his sister based on the amount of effort it took getting him out. It seemed to last forever -- though in reality it was 2 minutes.

Then we heard, "Hey little wiggling worm! You thought you could get away from me?! Happy Birthday Carson!" [Apparently once Kate was out, Carson took advantage of the extra womb room and played a bit of hide-and-seek from my OB.] I got a quick glimpse of him being rushed out. All we saw was two semi-bloody legs up in the air and a big blanket. Hubby snapped a photo.

I looked over again at Hubby. He was sobbing now. Not crying, but sobbing. He leaned close my face and said, "We are parents! You did it." and he kissed me through the mask. All I could do was smile. I wasn't crying. I think I was just in shock that it was all over with.

A few short minutes later, they brought Katherine in to see me. They put her by my face and I kissed her on the cheek. She didn't look anything like I expected. I could tell she was very tiny. The nurse who brought her in said, "She is tiny, but boy is she feisty!" They took her away, and a few minutes later they brought both twins in to see me. They were in a clear plastic box. I didn't get to kiss Carson, but I saw him. He was blowing spit bubbles and was crying. Joy washed over me once I heard him crying.

The twins and Hubby left the room. I wanted Hubby to stay with the babies. He got photos of then being weighed, etc. As they made their way to the elevators to go up to the NICU, the ran into my entourage. So my mom, mother-in-law, aunts, etc. got to see the babies in the clear plastic box. I'm so glad they got to see them there.

I spent an hour in the recovery room. Mom came into to see me. She went on and on about how beautiful the twins are, how they were breathing on their own, etc. I've never seen her beam like that before. Hubby came into the recovery room with a napkin with their heights and weights written on it.

After the recovery room, I went to my private mother-baby room. I stayed there for 4 days. They made me walk to the bathroom (about 6 feet) and to my wheelchair that evening. That was not fun. Lots of bleeding that first and second day. The day after surgery was the worst physically and emotionally for me. I hurt pretty badly and I cried all day.

But after the hurdle of day 2, everything has been smooth. It has now been five days and I feel almost back to normal. I am walking just fine. I am eating, sitting up in bed, etc. I am still sore and I still need to stay on top of my pain meds (I can tell when they are wearing off), but otherwise it's no big deal.

So that's the story. Now it's time to pump some more milk for the kiddos.

Kate & Carson @ 4 Days Old

Things continue to go well. My entire life now revolves around the NICU hours. There is SO much I need to post, but I just don't have the time right now. I will post something this weekend though. By the way, don't let Carson's tubes and wires scare you. He is breathing on his own (and always has been), but they put an oxygen mask on him just in case he needs some pure oxygen every once in a while. He has been a real little champ, and so has Kate! I am so in love. :)

Milk Arrives & I Go Home

I have changed all of my pre-birth opinions on breastfeeding. I started pumping a few hours after I delivered, and my milk finally arrived this morning. The babies got their first "mommy meal" this afternoon. [Side Note: The milk tastes yuck. Yes, of course, I tried some. Wouldn't you?]

Both kiddos are doing great. Kate is responding very well to kangaroo care, and the doc is now making it mandatory to do it twice a day with her...for 2 hours total. She obviously loves it, and I love it too. I can't wait to start doing this with Mr. Carson. I need some bonding time with him!

He is doing better. They started him on some medicine to close off that valve and it appears to be working. They will do another eco test tonight to see. Once he is over that hurdle, I can hold him all I want.

I was released from the hospital today. I feel pretty good, but I would love a full night's deep sleep. My back is still killing me. It's a million times worse than the incision area. The nurse said it could last for months. Wonderful!

Well I am off to shower and get ready for another trip to the NICU. I can't wait to see them again.

Oh, and I've lost 23 lbs since I gave birth on Monday. I gained a total of 40 lbs during the pregnancy.

My little Valentines

Kate loves "kangaroo care" with me! All of the direct skin-to-skin contact is great for both of us.

I am feeling much better today. Yesterday was the worst physically and emotionally. I am still sore and walking like an old lady, but it is much better. I was either not prepared or just kidding myself as to how painful life can be after major abdominal surgery. But like I said, today is better day and I have new pain meds.

I never thought it was possible to fall in love so quickly. They don't look or act anything like I envisioned they would while pregnant, but that makes it all the better. The NICU nurses have me doing "kangaroo care" for at least one hour a day with Kate. Once Carson gets better stabilized, I will do this with him too. They put her on my bare chest (no bra or anything)...they cover her with blankets that have been warmed in the microwave...and I just hold her. She listens to my heart beat, breathing, pumping blood, the sound of my voice...all the things she had while in the womb. It's amazing how she knows me. She clings to me. I'm all she know...me and her twin brother I should say. She is just the sweetest baby girl in the world. She throws a fit when the nurses reposition her, and they all say she is feisty and a fighter. She is a bit yellowish in color, so they are putting her under the special lights tomorrow.

Carson is having to fight more. He has fluid on the lungs. Today we found out that he has a minor heart murmur, but it's something that he will correct himself or they can give him a shot to correct it. It's a tiny hole that naturally closes late in a pregnancy. His didn't close yet because he was born so early. Once the murmur is fixed, he will be able to pump the rest of the fluid off his lungs on his own. So he is closely monitored. I am upset that I haven't gotten to hold him yet...or even gotten a good look at him. He is covered with all kinds of tubes, masks, etc. It makes me feel guilty that Kate is getting all the attention from us right now and he isn't.

It just kills me when I hear him cry...like when the nurses are re-attaching his IV. I hate that I can't hold him and comfort him...or at least hurt the mean nurse who is hurting him. :)

Carson definitely looks like my family...even down to the feet! I can't wait to see all of him. We still don't even know what his eye color is!

Anyway, I will post more later. I am about to shower and head back up to the NICU. I am going home tomorrow around lunch.

Carson

Katherine

Kate & Carson are here

Meeting my daughter

Katherine Bailey "Kate" was born on February 12, 2007 at 1:54 PM in Austin, TX. She weighed 2 lbs, 11 oz and is 16 1/2 inches long. She may be tiny, but she is feisty! Kate is already eating from a nippled bottle and requires no assistance or oxygen in breathing.

Carson Patrick was born at 1:56 PM. He weighed 4 lbs, 4 oz and is 17 1/4 inches long. He looks like his mommy's side of the family, and he is needing some help with his breathing. Overall he is doing great.

They both scored a 9 on the Apgar Test.

The c-section was super easy, but I am really having a horrible recovery. I will post more on this once I am able to physically sit up long enough to do so. I thought I was prepared for the NICU experience but I wasn't.

I am so in love with my new babies, but times are tough right now for everyone. I will post more when I can. Here are some photos in the mean time.

Decompressed

Just a quick post...

My sanity has somewhat returned and I no longer want to climb a clock tower. I had a nice long talk with Lee Anne and she calmed me down and helped put things in better perspective. She has always been good with that. I tried to talk to Hubby about all of this stuff, but he is just too close to the flame, so to speak. It's nice to have someone you can vent to, but who isn't so close to the situation that they take things personally.

This will be my final post as a "pregnant-with-twins chick." I am sure my next post will be later in the week and will be my "birth experience" story.

Wish me luck because God knows I will need it. I can't remember the last time I was so stressed, nervous and anxious all at the same time. I really hope I will be able to report that it wasn't a big deal at all.

Photos coming soon :)

More Advice...

I just thought of a few more pieces of advice for pregnant-with-twins women...

• Have your baby showers early! Everyone thought I was nuts for having my first one at 22 weeks and my last one at 26 weeks. The first one was out-of-town, so I wanted to get the travelling over with quickly. Plus, we had Christmas to deal with so I had it the first week of December so it wouldn't interfere with people's holiday plans. My last one was here in Austin, and I ended up in the hospital with complications less than 2 weeks later. So it was just in the nick of time! Plus, since I had them early it gave me the freedom of time to really organize the nursery, assess what I still needed, and write my thank you notes. All of this once again has to do with the comparison of singleton vs. twin pregnancies. You really can't wait until well into your third trimester like so many singleton ladies do. You might find yourself in my situation...not having much of a third trimester.
• Have a communications liaison. This is a lesson I learned from my cousin who had twins in September. My very good friend Lee Anne has been mine. I gave her a list of people I wanted emailed and a small handful of older relatives (that don't do email) to be called. This way hubby or my mom could make only one phone call (to her) and she could send out the update emails, field the phone calls and reply to questions in people's email replies. We did this when I ended up in the hospital two weeks ago, and it went beautifully. This way me, Hubby and my mom weren't swamped with a million calls of "What's going on? How is Shannon? How are the babies? What did the doctor say? When will those test results be in?" etc. I had her nicely mention in the email for folks not to call my cell number or direct hospital number. My cousin went through a nightmare of constantly ringing phones (both hospital landline and all the cell phones) while she was having needles stuck in her arms or getting updates while her doc was in the room. All of this may sound impersonal to you, but I come from a very large family...plus all of my old co-workers and clients have kept up with my pregnancy; Hubby's co-workers, friends and clients have kept up; a ton of family friends and neighbors; even my Mom's co-workers, friends and clients. It adds up to over 100 people who have insisted on immediate notification...this was the only system that would work and keep us sane. Lee Anne has been a God-sent. I am going to have to treat her to a very nice gift or spa package once all of this is over.
• Am I the only one who has found it frustrating that no one has written a week-by-week pregnancy book for twins? I have one for singletons, but there is nothing out there for twins. The same can be said for baby books. I ended up buying a baby book for each twin, but it would have been nice to do one big book.

Last Day of Pregnancy

I have been on edge today. Okay...bitchy is the better word. I tend to get like that when I am under extreme stress and scared at the same time. It seems like everyone has a damn opinion about the situation, and it's pissing me off. We have been bombarded with phone calls over the past two days, and the calls usually start off with the caller saying, "Tell me everything!" I know people mean well, but throughout my pregnancy I have sent out group emails that have detailed all major changes and whatnot. So everyone knows what's going on and I don't feel like retelling it 50 times in 50 calls. Never before in my life have I felt a stronger urge to be left alone as I have this weekend. I even wish my mother wasn't here. I want to disconnect the phones. The other bizarre item that has been pissing off both me and Hubby is how everyone in the free world is requesting a freaking tour of the NICU once the babies arrive. They don't even half-ass attempt to hide their true intentions...

"I've never seen a 3 pound baby before!"
"I'm dying to see how teeny tiny all those babies are!"
"I can't believe you are giving birth at 32 weeks! Do you know that's two months premature?! I want to see what a 32 week old baby looks like!"
Etc.

And I'm not talking about immediate family members. I'm talking about my husband's office manager -- who we do not know socially and who just had a baby of her own in December. Very distant relatives and even a former neighbor. It takes everything I have in me not to yell FUCK YOU into the phone. How dare people treat my babies -- who will be fighting and struggling for their own lives -- like a damn circus sideshow.

To be very honest, I wish this whole matter was a private affair. I wish it was just me and hubby. No family in the waiting room. No friends travelling across the state for this. No one. Just us. We have people calling wanting directions (try MapQuest people!). We have people calling for hotel suggestions. I hate it. I hate all of it. I just want to be left alone. This is a high-risk, high-stress, emotional thing for us.

I had no idea I would feel like this. I guess it's the last surprise of pregnancy. The bad aspect to having a birth planned for a few days is that it gives people plenty of time to bug you and make plans to bug you even more in person...when my focus should be on the condition of my babies, breastfeeding (which, yes, I will HAVE TO do while they are in NICU), and my own recovery after surgery. I am pretty sure I am going to tell the nurses to block people from coming into my post-surgery room.

And it amazes me how people tell me these stories of horrible c-sections. In the past two days, I've heard from a friend's cousin that it felt like she was being sawed in half. I've also heard from a friend of a friend of my mother-in-law's that the spinal didn't work completely and she could feel most of the surgery. And the stories continue. Is this really the kind of shit you tell a woman right before she has that same surgery? Either I am surrounded by the dumbest people God ever created or people just have no tact or common sense at all.

So, like I said, I'm on edge today. I am no longer answering my phone. Hubby answers and tells people I am napping. I just want to cry and be shut into my bedroom. I will post something tomorrow morning before I head to the hospital. Oh how I wish they could give me a light sedative because today I feel like climbing a clock tower and taking some people out. (Figure of speech, of course)

And the babies have been kicking up a storm today. I think they know they are about to get evicted and aren't happy about it!

Twins Pass NST @ Hospital

Everything went well at the non-stress test/baby monitoring this morning at the hospital. The babies cooperated and they both passed their tests. C-section still happening on Monday though. Very happy they passed the tests...only wish they would have been on the ball yesterday!

Mom arrived this morning and was at our house when we got back from the hospital. We visited for an hour and now she is out shopping...AGAIN. Have I mentioned how my mom has more energy than a poodle on speed? It drives us nuts. She can't just chill and visit with us. After a while, it starts to stress me out watching her look for things to do. Strangely enough, she wasn't anything like that when I was living at home and growing up. Total personality change.

So I plan on having a nice, relaxing weekend. It's my last weekend before becoming a mom. Unreal. :)

Not ready to say goodbye to the big, hard belly

I am such an emotional wreck right now. Hubby crashed early, which left me plenty of time to sit and really digest all of the new developments. That led to me sitting in my dimly lit home office, looking at my collection of belly and ultrasound photos, and crying. I guess I am not ready for my pregnancy to be over with. I have truly loved it. I've come to realize there are two types of pregnant women...those who love it and those who don't. I am definitely the former. I have been amazed and amused at how drastically my body has changed. I love the late night kicking sprees. I loved my less-than-fashionable maternity clothes. I loved everything about the whole experience. I feel protective of these little babies, and always felt re-assured that at least they were in my belly...so I had some level of control over their well-being and safety. Now they are about the enter the world -- two months early -- and the safety of my belly has now turned on them. They will better off out in the world than inside of me. The only thing that has stopped me from having just a total emotional melt down is the excitement of finally seeing them soon. The big mystery will be solved. I hope we (docs included) are making the right decision in taking them out now. In some bizarre way, I feel cheated. I feel cheated out of two additional months of being pregnant -- even though I knew it was unrealistic to think I could carry to 40 weeks. I feel cheated out of the experience of going into labor, water breaking, etc. I know the NICU experience will make me feel cheated too since I won't get to see, hold, bond with them like other new moms. I am sure I sound ridiculous right now, but I'm just so emotional right now. I can't help it.

I hope they don't come tomorrow. I hope I can hold out until Monday. I need a few more days, but I've learned during the last two troubled weeks that I really don't have much control over anything anymore.

To all the pregnant-with-twins chicks out there in the blogosphere that read my blog, here is some advice I've learned through this experience...

• No matter how smooth everything has gone in your pregnancy, really start to watch your activity level post week 28. If possible, put yourself on self-imposed modified bed rest.
• Keep on eye out for excessive swelling of the hands, feet, and ankles. Don't just write it off as typical pregnancy stuff.
• It's never too early to get the nursery and baby(ies) gear ready. Things can happen very fast in a twin pregnancy.
• Don't compare your experience and time line to friends and family who have only had singleton pregnancies. It's truly not the same.
• When the OB tells you to call if there has been a change of any kind on fetal movement, he/she isn't kidding. CALL THEM. Don't feel stupid doing it either. Too much or too little activity is a problem.
• Keep a blog. It's the best journal in the world, and you will find a whole community of other women experiencing the same thing you are at the same time.

I know I could think of a million other little things, but I need to get to bed early tonight. Hopefully I will be able to post good things tomorrow, and get myself ready for the big event on Monday afternoon.

My C-Section has been scheduled!!!!!!!!!!

It's a long story, but...

The twins' c-section as been scheduled for 1:30 PM (CST) on Monday, February 12th. I am so excited...and scared...and hyper...and numb.

I have another hospital ultrasound tomorrow morning. So, it's possible that they could be born tomorrow if they see it as an emergency. But I doubt that will happen.

Details later!

P.S. I started week 32 today.

Sleepy Son @ Peri Doc's = Frustration

Nothing new was discovered at my peri doc's early this morning. They won't measure them since they did that on Tuesday. They will only do that once a week. They noticed on the ultrasound that Katherine was doing her practice breathing, but Carson was in snooze-ville and not doing them. So they hooked me up to a baby monitor in another room to try to catch him waking up. I had to lay in this weird, uncomfortable position for TWO HOURS...pressing the microphone thingie hard into my belly so we could get a loud recording of him. They were looking for accelerations in his heart rate and that would also indicate practice breathing. Nothing. Nada. He had a nice, strong heart beat. Always in the 140s, but he never accelerated. TWO freaking hours! They gave me a caffeine drink. Nothing happened. They gave me a stack of graham crackers to eat (since he tends to be a chow hound, we thought they may wake him up). Nothing happened. Hubby and I talked to him, tried to get him to wake up. Nothing happened.

Then they threw out that horrible, dreaded word....HOSPITAL. I did some sweet talking and managed to convince them to let me go home and have a nice hearty lunch and then return at 12:30 to try again.

My gut tells me Carson is just fine. He is just sleeping and doesn't want to perform on command like a dancing bear. But I will be highly irritated if I end up in the hospital over a napping baby. He was doing his practice breathing yesterday at the OB's. He did them at the hospital last week. Come on little boy...dance for us! :)

I will update later on the situation with my sleepy son...hopefully not from a hospital room!

Names

I don't know why I've waited so long to post our baby names -- especially since they have been picked out for years. I was going to wait until they were born before announcing it on my blog, but what the hell. I am tired to calling them Baby A and Baby B.

Katherine Bailey (aka Baby A)

Carson Patrick (aka Baby B)

We decided to go with family names. Katherine is a long-standing family name on my mom's side of the family, but it hasn't been used in generations. It was the name of both of my Granny's Grannies. So, in a way, it's in honor of my maternal grandmother. I wanted to give her a strong name, and I've always loved that name. I even named my dolls Katherine when I was a little girl. Hubby and my mom call her Kate...although Hubby and I have gotten in a bad habit of calling her "Kater Tater" because she always looked like a little tater tot in her early ultrasounds. The nurses in the hospital nicknamed her "Little Stinker" because she was so difficult to pin down on the baby monitor.

Bailey is my maternal family name. Patrick is my paternal family name (my maiden name), and we are using it in honor of my dad who died last year. Carson is simply Hubby's favorite name. It's not a family name, just something he really loved...and I like it too.

A Good OB Appointment

Things went well at the OB's this morning. My blood pressure was good (132/81), I am still losing some water weight, and the babies looked active and happy on his crappy ultrasound machine. Baby A (the girl we are concerned about) was caught doing her practice breathing...which is excellent.

Hubby went into lawyer mode and asked him a ton of questions. Thankfully my OB put his mind at ease and answered all of his questions. He told us to pack our bag tonight just in case my peri doc throws in the towel tomorrow after the high-powered ultrasound. He predicted we would do the c-section next week.

But for now, he calmed me down and answered the questions I needed answered. I am also pleased that (for right now) I am still keeping the pre-eclampsia at bay...losing the water weight, good blood pressure, no additional protein in my urine, etc.

I don't know what came over me this morning, but I had this incredible urge to try to look good for the appointment. Throughout most of my pregnancy, I would get dressed up in one of my cute maternity outfits, do my hair and make-up, and basically make my doc appointments a social event (since I wasn't working, it was all I had). But over the past month or two, I was lucky if I showered before the appointments. I was just so swollen and miserable. I think they got used to seeing me like that because the doc and nurses made such a big deal over how good I looked today. I did the hair, make-up, cute outfit (one of the few I can still fit in), and even threw on some jewelry. I think it actually made a difference in how I felt.

So tomorrow is the all-important peri doc appointment. It's a bit scary to think this journey could (and most likely will be) be over tomorrow or sometime next week. Part of me is ready for it to be over with...to finally see these babies, to be a mom, to get the birth done with, to start recovery. But a bigger part of me wants to hold them in longer. To prove all the docs wrong. To give my babies some more crucial time to grow in the safe confines of my belly. The NICU time is going to be so hard on me. They keep assuring me everything will be fine, but Baby A isn't even 3 lbs yet! It's going to break my heart to see her like that. And what if everything isn't just fine? What if there are unexpected complications? An infection? Oh and I have selfish worries too...I am nervous about the spinal. I am nervous about the surgery. I am nervous about my recovery. I am nervous about the idea of staples holding me together. I am upset that I won't be able to immediately see the babies -- possibly for 12-24 hours -- due to my c-section and spinal. I hate that everyone under the sun is going to see my babies before I will. My first real look at them will be on the display screen of my digital camera!

Okay, I better stop...my good mood is fading. *Exhale*

Planning their great escape?

I don't have a lot to report today. The babies have been extremely active today. It seems like non-stop kicking all day. I hope they are enjoying the last of their womb time. I sure have enjoyed feeling them today -- although enough is enough kiddos! -- I know I won't ever be pregnant again. Up until week 30, I had an easy, uncomplicated, fun pregnancy. I really enjoyed all of it, and it's a tad bit sad to think about how quickly it went by and how it will be ending very soon.

I have an appointment to see my OB in the morning. Then my peri doc on Friday morning. I am ready for a decision to be made. I think it will all depend on how Baby Girl looks at her Friday ultrasound.

As for me, I have had a mild headache all day, but when I checked my blood pressure at home it was okay (140/80)...not great, but not scary either. I have also had a return of heartburn, and I've been super hungry all day too. Strange.

"Growth Restricted Baby"

We just returned from an appointment with my perinatalist. Baby Girl is showing signs of some problems. She isn’t gaining weight. In fact, she has lost 3 ounces since Thursday night. She is now 2 lbs, 13 oz. She has now been classified as a “growth restricted baby.” Apparently, this is a sign that there is a problem with her placenta and she is not getting the food that she needs to grow as she should. Her heart rate is still excellent and she is moving a lot, but her weight is a major issue now. Baby Boy is porking up quickly. He is now 4 lbs, 3 oz…so he has gained 7 oz since Thursday. He is showing more signs of being a “diabetic baby”…meaning: diabetic women tend to have larger babies, and he is ahead of where he should be in weight. It does NOT mean is he a diabetic. He just really likes all the extra natural sugar I am providing him.

I see my OB again on Thursday and I will see my perinatalist again on Friday. Saturday I will reach the very important milestone of week 32, and peri doc told us the decision will be made this weekend (or early next week) on when to take out the babies. We are at the point where it’s better for the babies to be outside of my body instead inside of me. Since they gave me my steroid shots in the hospital last week to mature the babies’ lungs, we have a window of time to deliver. Peri doc told us we will for sure be parents within 2 weeks time and to get our affairs in order, pack our bags, and wait for the call.

Anyway, I am scared and freaked out right now….very worried about our little girl. My mom will probably be coming back into town this weekend just in case the decision is made over the weekend.

Finally, I'm posting some good news!

I know my posts lately have been all gloom-and-doom, but I have some good news to report. We just returned from my follow-up check-up at my OB's and everything is pretty much back to normal. Of course, "normal" is highly subjective, but it's good news for me.

My blood pressure was 130/80 (good!), I have lost 7 lbs of water weight since Friday (I told you I was swollen!), and there has been no increase of protein in my urine. We listened to the twins' heartbeats and they are still happy in the belly. All of this was the best possible news we could have gotten today. Oh, and my sugar numbers are the best they have been in a while.

I am still on bed rest, and I am still just buying some extra time before the pre-eclampsia finally takes over and wins the war. I have another appointment with my peri doc tomorrow morning, and then Hubby will be returning to work. Then we have yet another OB appointment Thursday morning. My life is all about doc appointments and resting, but that's okay. :)

Me a Year Ago

I have seen other pregnant women posting a "remembrance" photo of themselves, so I thought I would too. These two photos were taken of me almost exactly one year ago...i.e., pre-pregnancy. What a difference a year makes! I like to call these what-50-lbs-can-do-to-you photos! :)

Oh, and the date stamp of the photos is off. It says 12/02/2006 because I accidentally put in the European date stamp. It was really 2/12/2006.

The last photo was also taken last February. It is the last photo of me with my Granny (before her death) and my Papa. She would have been so excited about the twins!

First Full Day Home

It has been so wonderful to be back home. I have spent 95% of the last 24-hours in bed sleeping. I have been truly surprised at how sleepy I am. So far, I haven't had any headaches, swelling or other signs like I had last week. I have been feeling a good deal of pressure in my extreme lower belly, but I am guessing that's because Baby "A" (girl) is sitting directly on my cervix...at least according to my ultrasound yesterday. In fact, the entire shape of my belly has changed in the last few days. I am popping out more and more, and the belly is taking on a more long shape...i.e., less yoga ball and more watermelon.

I am suppose to call both of my docs first thing in the morning to get worked into to seeing them tomorrow. I have admit, I am scared to do so. I am scared they will put me back in the hospital. Logically, of course, I know that if that's where they think I need to be, then that's the best place for me....but...I really didn't like it there.

Random thoughts...

• Yesterday when I was being released from the hospital I heard to most horrible sounds of my life. Some poor women was in labor down the hallway -- according to the nurses. It was her first baby and she had waited too long to go into the hospital. She was already dilated to 10 and it was too late for drugs! I have never heard that kind of suffering and pain before. For her sake, I hope it didn't last too long.
• On the morning of the my second day in the hospital, they wheeled me up to the NICU to take a tour with Hubby. That really motivated me to get the hell out of there! They had a 28-week baby next to a 32-week baby, and it was the difference between night and day! It's amazing what that one month of growth really looks like. They told me that every day I can hold the twins inside my belly subtracts 3 days from their time in the NICU. That is my only goal right now. Also, the whole time I was touring the NICU, the twins were kicking up a storm! I hope that was them sending me a sign that they don't want to be there either!
• My nurses were all wonderful, and I never questioned the level of care I was getting.
• It wasn't until my last day in the hospital that we truly learned just how serious of the situation was when I was admitted. They had already cleared an operating room for me, and the twins were literally about an hour or two away from the decision to be taken. I feel blessed that we dodged that bullet.

Anyway, I am staying on my strict bed rest. Looking forward to laying on the sofa with Hubby and watching the Super Bowl. Thankful that I have good babies that still want to stay inside for a bit longer.

I'm Home...for now!

This is the face of bloated, miserable, hospital-bound, 31 weeks pregnant with twins, never-been-heavier-in-my-life, pre-eclampsia woman. Scary stuff! I am amazed at this photo...not from a vanity point of view (I've gotten over that. It's all temporary and it's all relative.) but because they say the big sign of pre-eclampsia/pregnancy-induced-hypertension is swelling and bloating. I can really see it in this photo -- the hands, arms, face, neck, etc.

Anyway, Hubby spent the night with me at the hospital last night. He unfolded the double-size bed in the room, and we had a chance to cuddle and really talk. I can't begin to tell you how much it helped me. He has always had such a calming effect on me.

My OB came by to do his rounds at 6:30 AM (when does this man sleep?). He said he was comfortable enough with my vitals and numbers that we could try bed rest at home. Two hours later, we were pulling into our driveway. I am so happy to be home. It's impossible to truly rest at a hospital. There is always someone coming in to test something on you, stick a needle in you, etc. I am utterly exhausted and feel like I could sleep for a week. I am NOT out of the woods. The only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery, so I have hopefully just bought myself some extra time...perhaps even a few weeks. I could go back in tomorrow or a month from now...it's impossible to say.

Hubby is working from home until all of this over with. He will be taking me to my doc appointments (which will be almost daily). I am off to bed....so happy to be home for now. Thanks for all of your well wishes and encouraging words. I may need them again soon.

Day 3...Importance of Routine

I finally started to establish some sort of routine. Here's what it has become...

5:30 AM -- Nurse comes in and weighs me. It's absurd they have to wake me up and do this so damn early in the morning, but she said something about the night nurse had to do at the end of her shift. Whatever. It's a cruel way to start a day.
6:00 AM -- Dr. Uribe's head nurse (Kim) usually stops by and sees how I am doing.
6:30 AM -- Dr. Uribe (my OB) stops by and says hello. Goes over my lab work, vitals and all other stats.
7:00 AM -- New nurse comes in and introduces herself. Takes my vital. Test my fasting morning blood.
7:30 AM -- I brush my teeth, wash my face, make some sort of attempt to feel refreshed.
8:00 AM -- Nurse comes in with my pre-breakfast insulin and usually the food tray. Breakfast absolutely sucks around here. The other meals are okay, but I have gotten used to eating a hearty breakfast at home (thanks to the diabetes, breakfast really is the most important meal of the day)
8:30 AM -- Call Hubby; find out when he is coming up to see me and what he agenda is for the day
9: 00 AM -- Blood pressure & other vitals checked. I get hooked up with a baby monitor to listen to and chart the babies' heartbeats, movement and contractions. I end up with a sore back because the additional weight of laying on my back for 20 minutes is really painful. I also end up with a slimy, ultrasound-jelly belly.
10 AM -- Nurse comes in the test my post-breakfast blood; might need some additional insulin.
10 - 11 AM -- Mark arrives. More vitals checked. Watch CNN or MSNBC. Phone calls. Nurses in and out. I also get to shower during this time....the highlight of the day.
Noon -- Insulin, food, Mark leaves to get himself some real food
1 - 3 PM -- This is when I am exhausted. After lunch, I get blood tested AGAIN, vitals checked, more insulin, baby monitor non-stress test again, and desperately trying to get in a nap.

And this goes on and on. Dinner is a 6 PM. I see more docs between 8 PM and midnight. I am literally only getting 4-ish hours of consecutive sleep each night. The only time I get out of bed is to go to the bathroom and to shower. That's it.

My blood pressure and blood sugars are looking pretty good. I am still trying to decide if I want to break out of here tomorrow. It's a possibility I guess, but I am afraid I will be right back here soon. I don't know what to do.

I got more flowers delivered today. It really does cheer you up when you are suck in a place like this.

I got the big talk today about exactly what to expect from a c-section from one of my nurses. I am really not to scared about it. I just want more time. It's all about time right now.

Did I mention that I would kill for a cheeseburger and fries right now?! :)

Baby Measurements

I am exhausted and need to go to bed, so this will be quick...

The perinatalist FINALLY appeared tonight. I like him when I actually see him and he is the best of the best in Austin, but he knows all of this...and acts accordingly.

Baby Boy = 3 lbs, 9 oz. Transverse position.
Baby Girl= 2 lbs, 15 oz (1 oz short of 3 lbs even). Breech position.
They are still "cuddling" with their heads next to each other. All vitals are good on them, but I am worried about our daughter. The size difference is growing greater and that has me worried, but the doc said she was only 2 oz less that where the average is for her age.

The shocking news...he giving me a less than 50/50 chance of making it until Valentine's Day (2 weeks from now), less than 25% of making it a week after than that, and no chance in hell of seeing March. My mouth hit the floor because I have been telling myself this was just a small bump in the road and I would get through this and go on another month of more. It's not going to happen. I need to just surrender myself and give up the desire to bed rest at home. My health situation could change in a few hours. This damn pre-eclampsia (spelling?) is dangerous stuff. I heard the word stroke, brain damage, etc. tonight for the first time. The danger is to both me and the babies.

BTW...too all the twin folks reading this...I have now been told today by the nurses in the NICU here that they are against any form of co-sleeping of twins. The American Pediatric Society said it is causing a lot of SIDS cases because the twins are breathing in each other's carbon dioxide (i.e., breathing in what the other is exhaling). Interesting.

I start week 31 on Friday ... or Saturday depending on which doc you ask.

On a lighter topic... my hubby and mom both went out to stock me up on magazines and books while I am here at the hospital. Hubby returned with all kinds of political, current event, and non-fiction items. My mom came back with celebrity rags, Good Housekeeping mag, and Family Circle mag. haha Safe to say Hubby knows me best, and mom has a bad case of wishful thinking. :)

Day 2...a better day

Today was a good day medically. My lab results came back pretty good. My blood pressure is still high but is stabilizing and slowly coming down. The babies are moving more and more, and the monitors attached to my belly indicate perfect heart rates for them...and no contractions! I was able to take a shower for the first time. Let me tell ya, it was the BEST damn shower of my life...even though my forearms were covered in plastic to protect all of my tubes, IVs, etc. They put an egg crate thing on my bed that has made it more comfortable. The meals are still ridiciously small, bland and overall yucky. For breakfast, I got ONE fake scrambled egg and 1/4 cup of oatmeal. That's it. That's not much food, and my mom snuck me in some cheese and crackers. The nurse apologized and said the food folks messed up. Lunch was better, but not by much. My swelling has gone down and I lost 3 lbs in water weight since yesterday.

Right now it's all about taking it day by day. My new short term goal is making it to 32 weeks...which would be right before Valentine's Day.

Hubby and I took a tour of the NICU this afternoon. It was nice to go for a spin in the wheelchair and get out of my room, but seeing the babies in the NICU was hard. Unless you've actually seen what a 29 week baby looks like in person, you can't relate. Seton's NICU is the best in Austin and one of the best in Texas, but it was still upsetting. I came back to the room and had a good cry. Every week I keep them in my belly makes a world of good and I am willing to do anything I have to do...even if it means staying here.

If things remain stable, we may talk to the docs about letting me hire an at-home-nurse if they let me out of here this weekend. Hubby could work from home and keep an eye on me too. Unless there is a big change, Mom is going back to Houston on Sunday. I miss my dogs. I miss my king-size bed. I miss good food. I miss my stuff. I miss watching more than just basic cable. But we will just have to see what's best for the babies and me.

P.S. RIP Molly Ivins. She was one of my great personal and professional heroes. What a fantastic broad! (And yes, she would have wanted to be called a "broad!") I had the great honor of meeting her on a few occasions early in my journalist years. Now she is with her good friend Ann Richards.