Baby, Baby!

I know it's hard to tell what the hell you are looking at here, but you CAN see TWO sacs. It also appears that the baby in the upper right is smaller, but he/she is actually slightly bigger than the twin in the lower left.

Guess What?!?!

Well, yesterday I got the shock of my life!

We went in for our scheduled first ultrasound yesterday morning. Frankly, I had prepared myself for bad news. In the past three days or so, I had not felt pregnant at all. No sore boobs, no fatigue, nothing. I felt "pre-pregnant." I was convinced they would not be able to find a heartbeat and the depression would begin.

I went in and they did a complete physical (I had gained 3 lbs. since finding out I am pregnant), and also did a Pap Smear. Then it was time for the ultrasound. He immediately found the baby. It looked like a little kidney bean with a massive heart beating very fast. I stared in amazement. I couldn't believe that little heart was beating inside of me. This entire pregnancy became a big reality at that moment. I looked up at hubby -- who was looking over my shoulder at the screen too -- and he smiled. I was transfixed at this little beating heart. The doc froze the screen and measured the baby. Then he started to move around again, and immediately said, "Oh, and here's a second heartbeat!"

WHAT? Second heartbeat? TWINS!

All of my tact went out the door at that moment, and I yelled out, "Oh shit!" (Apparently, I yelled this louder than I thought because when we exited the exam room, all of the nurses were giggling at me in the hallway and wishing me congratulations.)

So there they were...two little kidney beans with massive hearts beating rapidly! Fear washed over me. This is a high risk pregnancy due to my diabetes. I am terrifed. I have no idea how I am going to care for two babies at once. I need some time to really let this digest.

Hubby was cool, calm and collected. He is excited and saying he knew it all along. I am shocked. Scared. Overwhelmed. I just can't believe it!

8 Weeks & Terrified of Miscarriage

I know I have been horrible about blogging in the past month, but my whole world has been all about pregnancy since finding out on August 1st. I have been nervous about talking about the pregnancy publicly because, frankly, I am scared to death of miscarrying. I am still scared and I am not out of the woods yet.

[They say the highest risk of miscarriage is between weeks 7 - 11. I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, so I still have another month of worrying about this!]

Some days I feel pregnant (i.e., extreme fatigue, sore boobs, etc.) and other days (like today) I have no signs of pregnancy and I begin to worry. It is a total mind fuck. It took us three years to get this pregnancy, and I am just terrified of losing it.

I have my first appointment with my OB tomorrow morning. They make you wait until you are at least 8 weeks along before they will see you. They will do a complete physical, a Pap smear, and an ultrasound to see how things look. Hopefully they will also try to hear the heartbeat.

I just desperately need some evidence. Some proof. Some reassurance.

Hubby is going with me to the doc appointment. He has been great -- protective and sweet.

I will update tomorrow once I know what's going on. Wish me luck.

Exciting News!

Sorry for the long delay in blogging, but this time I have a good excuse! Last Tuesday, August 1st, I found out that I am pregnant! I absolutely can't believe it, and I am thrilled and excited beyond words!!

Hubby and I have been trying for about 3 years now. Last summer we went threw infertility treatments, and that was an emotional nightmare. That is also when I found out that I am diabetic. So, getting my diabetes under control became priority number one and we took a year long break from activity trying to conceive.

I am only about 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, and the only thing I can focus on is getting to week 12. Week 12 marks the end of my first trimester and therefore an 80% decrease in my risk of miscarriage. I am terrified of losing this baby. On August 29th we get to see the baby for the first time on the ultrasound...to that's the other big date on the calendar I am looking forward to.

I went to my OB and had blood work done to (a) confirm the pregnancy, and (b) to check my progesterone hormone levels. The pregnancy was confirmed and my hormones were sky high. I only have had a few moments of morning sickness (thankfully), but I have had lower back soreness (normal), very mild cramping (normal), everything taste bland to me (normal), vivid dreams (normal), irrational crying fits (normal...and funny), extreme fatigue (normal), and painfully sore boobs (normal). It's amazing how quickly my body has changed, and it has slowed me down this week.

Anyway, I will be posting more and I am sure this will end up becoming a pregnancy blog for the next 7-8 months. :) Man, I am still just in shock!

Baby is due either the last week of March or the first week of April...which is ironic since my 30th birthday will be March 31st.

More later....