In the hospital!

My new home is in the Labor & Delivery of Seton Medical Center in Austin, TX. My OB admitted me early this morning due to my high blood pressure...that literally just cropped up within a 24-hour period. They gave me a shot (the first of two) to speed up the babies' lung maturity. Needless to say, I am NOT happy to be here! I am restless, bored, and being told I could be here for another 6 weeks!!

It's a miracle I could get my laptop to find a wireless connection, so I don't know how much I will be blogging. I am so afraid my twins will be born this early. Hubby looks and acts bored out of his mind, and I almost feel like I need to entertain him. My bed is really uncomfortable...I feel a metal bar cutting into my hips.

I am just not a happy camper right now. I hope I stabilize and can go home soon, but they told me not to count on it. I can't believe how quickly it came on! Literally in less than 12 hours. Pregnant women, beware. This is very serious stuff.

I will post photos if I can.

Blood Pressure

My blood pressure has been spiking on and off (mostly on) for the past 24-hours, and I spent most of last night talking to the on-call doc at my OB's. We are going in again and it looks like I might be in the hospital for awhile. My worst fears are happening and I'm scared. I will try to post updates from Hubby's laptop if they do put me into the hospital.

Keep good thoughts for me and the twins.

Baby Doc & Breast Feeding

At 8 AM this morning, Hubby and I had our consultation with the pediatrician that came highly recommended by all the women at Hubby's office. The visit went fine with the exception of one little issue.

He completely dismissed my feelings on breast feeding.

First let me say, that I am generally an advocate of breast feeding. I was breast fed. Everyone in my family has breast fed. I am fully aware of all of it's benefits. However, I have some medical issues that make it much less appealing for me to breast feed. "Appealing" isn't the right word.

The number one reason I plan on formula feeding after we come home from the hospital is my severe diabetes. My plan is to give the twins colostrum (spelling?) in the hospital because it will be so beneficial to the babies, but after that they need to go to formula. I have spoken to three specialists on this issue, and they all say the same thing...as soon as I deliver the twins, I need to let my body start to heal immediately. This twin pregnancy has taken a physical toll on my body thanks to the damn diabetes. Breast feeding, in many ways, is just as taxing on the maternal body as the pregnancy itself. As I sit here typing this, I am awaiting a phone call to hear if yesterday's lab work indicates kidney damage. I need to protect my own health...not just for me but for my twins' as well. They need a healthy mom.

Anyway, the pediatrician immediately vetoed that. He pretty much "insists" that I breast feed for at least the first six months. Then he went on to give me the lecture of the benefits of breast feeding. I'm sorry, but that really pissed me off.

I made the decision to formula feed based on a lot of research and under the consultation of many other doctors who specialize in diabetic pregnancies. For months I felt very guilty about that decision. Of course I want to give my babies the very best and do what's best for them, but not at the risk of my own long-term health. I absolutely hate it when people ask me if I plan on breast feeding. I've come to consider it a personal question, and I usually find myself explaining my medical history as a way to "justify" my decision. And usually it's complete strangers or people I barely know who apparently find it most appropriate to ask me!

So I don't know what to do about this pediatrician. I liked his office. I liked the nurses and ladies we met at his office. I like his general philosophy and office procedures. But his dismissal and the patronizing way he spoke to me about the feeding issue is stuck in my head. Hubby liked him, and told me just to ignore him and do what we plan on doing anyway. Perhaps I should, but I hope it's not an indication of what I can expect from him in the future. The absolute last thing I need or want in my life is a combative relationship with my babies' doctor.

Am I over-reacting?

Quick Update

I ended up going in to see my OB late this morning with Hubby. After waiting over an hour, I finally saw him. My blood pressure was good (124/83). They did a quick ultrasound and the twins looked good (still transverse, and still laying with their heads next to each other). So they did some blood work. He wants to make sure my kidneys and pancreas are working as they should. The kidney issue is always a source of concern in a diabetic pregnancy (and especially a twin pregnancy). [Do you remember what happened to Julia Robert's character in "Steel Magnolias?"] We should have those results back tomorrow. He also suspects I have a mild viral stomach bug which would explain the upset tummy feeling.

Bottomline: He is putting me on full-time bed rest until we know what's going on.

Soooo swollen!

I don't feel too hot. My hands, feet and ankles are swollen to the point of concern. Laying down helps, but the moment I get up -- even for a short amount of time like going to the bathroom -- it comes back fast. Then I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach. I ended up dry heaving which was extremely painful. I have felt the babies move all weekend, so a part of me is saying not to be concerned. The other part is telling me to call the OB anyway because I just don't feel right at all.

I have made it 30 weeks without having the swelling issue. Now it's arrived in a big way. I can barely even make a fist with my hands. My feet look like clubbed feet. Hubby is completely grossed out by all of it. Oh, and the other strange part is how my thighs, calves and feet look slightly pinkish. Almost as if they are slightly sunburned -- which, of course, they aren't. I will probably call the doc anyway just so they can tell me this is normal and ease my mind.

Otherwise, my weekend was pretty low key. We stayed at home and relaxed.

OB Appointment: 29 weeks, 6 days

This is going to be short and sweet because I am so exhausted I can barely see straight.

The twins are doing great...heartbeats, amnio fluid, movement, etc. They are pretty much stuck in the transverse position (and have been for about 2 months now), so I am guessing a c-section is in my future. My blood pressure was good (118/72). I was shocked at my weight gain! I have gained 6 lbs in 2 weeks for a grand total of 42 lbs. Holy shit! I couldn't believe it, and I am trying desperately not to be vain and get depressed about it. I could tell my doc was trying to mentally prepare me for the reality that I may not make my big 36 week goal. The babies are out of room and will be calling the shots. This was very upsetting to me because I witnessed what my cousin went through with her twins that were born at 32-33 weeks....3 weeks in the NICU and other problems. I tend to be very goal oriented, and I am afraid I will feel like a huge failure if I can't hold them to 36 weeks.

He didn't actually say the words "bed rest," but essentially he did. So I will be spending more and more time horizontal. He wants to see me every week from now on.

I see my peri doc next week for the good ultrasound. They will measure the babies then.

How will this end?

Over the past few days I have been thinking/wondering a lot about how this pregnancy is going to end. It seems like the possibilities are endless, and I am realistic enough to know it probably won't play-out like it does in the movies.

Here are some of the scenarios I have thought about...feel free to add to the list...

• The perfect scenario would be that my water breaks at home during week 37. I am full-term. My husband is not on a business trip somewhere. We have plenty of time to call my mom, my mother-in-law and other local family/friends so they can come to the hospital if they want to. My bag is packed and ready to go. Hubby has already installed the two car seats (instead of trying to figure it out in the hospital parking lot 5 minutes before we are discharged from the hospital). The weather is beautiful (i.e., no ice, no hail storm, no tornado warnings, etc.) Both babies are well over 5 lbs each. Like I said, this would be the perfect scenario.
• The pre-term contractions start back up again. I go into to see my OB and he admits me to the hospital because I've already started dilating. I end up spending weeks in the hospital in an attempt to get me to as close to 36 weeks as possible.
• My OB decides to induce me because something is wrong with the babies (i.e., vastly different weights, one baby in distress, etc.)
• I have some kind of accident -- like falling -- and it becomes an emergency situation.
• My OB decides to induce me because I am pushing 40 weeks and he is worried about the age and condition of my placentas.

What am I forgetting? I know there have to be other ways this could end.

Then there's the big issue of how they will be born...C-section or vaginal. I am curious to know what other OB's out there are telling their twin pregnancy patients. My doc has made it clear that he strongly advocates a vaginal birth. I am not completely sure how I feel about that. I guess I have a fear about whether or not I can. The one thing I absolutely do not want to do is push out Baby A (girl) and then have to do a C-section with Baby B (boy) because he isn't head-down. I sure as hell don't want to do both types of birth!

With week 30 just a few days away, I am beginning to faintly see the finish line. I hope the next 6-7 weeks goes by quickly. I am so eager to see my twins. Now I just wonder how it's going to happen.

10 Things I Have a Weakness For...

1. Back rubs
2. Happy, giggling babies
3. Correctly-made Long Island Iced Teas (pre-pregnancy, of course)
4. The smell of the ocean and the feeling of sand between my toes
5. UT football...college football in general
6. Hard-covered books
7. Chips & queso (or chips & salsa)
8. Real icing on a cake
9. Going down to 6th Street and hearing a great band play live
10. Fiercely intelligent people with a slightly wicked sense of humor

Stay to the left

I had a discovery last night. For the past week or so, my right foot has been feeling strange at night. I am not sure how to describe it exactly...it felt swollen even though it did not look swollen, had a tingling feeling. Anyway, through trial and error, I finally figured out that it was because I was spending too much time sleeping on my right side. My OB had told me back around week 20 that I needed to sleep on my side. That sleeping on my left side was better (due to the placement of a major artery located to the right of my spine that delivers blood to the lower half of my body), but that if I did sleep on the right side it wasn't that big of a deal. Well, apparently it is. I was laying on my right side watching TV last night and that weird foot thing started happening. So I moved to my left side and within a few minutes it went away. I'm embarrassed that it took me this long to figure out what the problem has been.

So anyway, I got a good night's sleep. Not only was I not dealing with the foot thing, but I only had to go to the bathroom twice all night. That has to be a first! What a difference sleep makes! I woke up this morning feeling great.

Everything with this pregnancy seems to be going good lately...my diabetic numbers are back under control again, the babies are kicking with regularity, my energy levels are back to normal thanks to the iron supplement, the mystery of the numb foot has been solved, and it's been almost a week since I've had any pre-term contractions. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by even mentioning all of this, but things seem to be stable. My next OB appointment is Thursday and I hope he tells me the same thing.

Hubby is leaving to go out of town for two days starting tomorrow. I plan on having yet another boring day doing laundry and finishing my baby shower thank you notes. Pretty exciting, eh? :)

Maid Time = Meme Time

While my twice-a-month housekeeper is here working her magic, I am stuck in my home office and have no other choice by to kill time with another self-absorbed meme.

What's your favorite comfort food?
Anything involving a potato...chips, mashed potatoes, potato soup, fries, potatoes au gratin, you name it. I can avoid the sweets, but love the carbs.

Do you snore? What about your bed-mate? What's your remedy to get them to stop snoring?
Before I was pregnant I never snored. Since becoming pregnant, Hubby says I sound like an old man. Hubby snores only if he rolls onto his back in the night. I usually push his arm and say, "Roll over." That does the trick and he stops.

Have you ever sent or received a piece of fan mail?
The only time I can remember sending anything that may be classified as fan mail was actually pretty recently. Jeff Bagwell, a long-time Houston Astros baseball player, announced his retirement a few months ago. I had met him a decade ago through my dad (who worked in professional baseball his entire life). So I just wrote him a letter congratulating him on such a long, successful career and wishing him all the best in the future. He wrote me back a nice letter thanking me for my kind words and expressing his sadness over my dad's death (he wasn't aware of it). As for me, I have received some nice thank you letters from clients over the years. I suppose that's considered fan mail.

If you could describe January 2007 so far in two words, what would they be?
Cold. Boring.

Do you write a diary as well as blogging? Have you ever been a diary writer?
No, I just have this blog. I have never been a diary writer...although I did have one in the 6th grade. It's funny to look at now and makes me wish I had been a diary writer through high school.

What is the least-deserved praise that you've ever been given?
I've always gotten a lot of compliments on my eyes, especially my eye color. Back in the day, as a joke, a friend and I put on some seriously whored-up eye make-up and had a photographer friend shoot some photos of my eyes. Without my knowledge, he submitted them to a "Best Eyes in Texas" contest. Amazingly, I came in second place and I used the money to pay for a semester of college. Anyway, I always thought compliments on my eyes were meaningless because that's just a genetic thing. I had nothing to do with it. It's not something I worked for.

What is the most meaningful compliment that you've ever gotten?
Anything involving my intelligence, work ethic or generosity.

When did you love the most?
I would say right now. My love for my husband has grown and evolved during this pregnancy. I feel I am in a big transformation period right now. For the first time in my life, I love something more than myself...I love my babies. I can only imagine how all-encompassing it will become once they are born.

Are you more likely to yell or give the silent treatment?
Yell. The silent treatment is more like punishing myself.

What are you five most visited stores?
H.E.B. (grocery store), Target, Babies R Us, Half Price Books (I love all bookstores), & Office Max

Is there any store you absolutely hate going to?
I hate grocery shopping and I don't like Wal-Mart. It's always a busy zoo there.

Do you prefer to shop in person or online?
In person. I need the instant gratification and I don't like waiting for packages to arrive.

When was the last time you went on a date?
May 16, 2001...that was my first date with future hubby. It was all over with after that.

Do you think the child you were would like the adult you've become?
In some ways yes, and in some ways no. I was a very idealistic, passionate teenager. I wanted to be a ball-busting, take-no-prisoners journalist. I got my degree in journalism and worked as a reporter for a few years...and hated it. Then I got into real estate primarily for the money. I think the child I was would consider that selling-out. But overall my life, my lifestyle, my pre-pregnant career, my husband, my soon-to-be family are all wonderful and better than I could have imagined as a child.

Meme Time: Question of the Day

How many islands have you been on in your life? Name them.

1. Manhattan, NY
2. Long Island, NY
3. Galveston, TX
4. South Padre, TX
5. Grand Cayman
6. Cozumel, Mexico
7. Jamaica

Hmm, I know I must be forgetting some.

Finally, some fresh air!

I finally got out of the house today, and it was wonderful! For the first time in two full weeks, Austin had sunshine. It even got up to 66 degrees, and it was the perfect day to get some fresh air.

I managed to convince Hubby to come to Babies R Us with me at noon to finish buying the rest of the items off our registry there. He detests shopping, but as soon as I told him I would have to lift big items he didn't put up a fight. So I bought the other highchair I needed, a Pack-n-Play, Pack-n-Play sheets, a Baby Einstein Exersaucer (activity center), and a Bumbo seat. My cousin (the one with 4 month old twin boys) swears by the Bumbo seat, so I thought I would give it a try. The only thing I didn't buy were the bouncy seats. I am specifically looking for the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders kind. Once again, thanks to word of mouth and seeing how much my baby cousins love it. The babies really seem to love the bubbles and the ocean sounds. The store said another shipment was coming in next week, so I will try again. The one big lesson I have learned from my cousin is when you are the mother of twins it's all about keeping one or both of them occupied.

I dropped Hubby off at home with the loot after we went out to lunch and then went up to Target. Target exhausted me. They really should have pregnancy parking because I was tired by the time I walked the 50+ yards just to get to the entrance. (Sad, I know) There I picked up some little items for the twins and some household stuff. I did manage to find a onesie that said "Chick Magnet" for our boy...I know it's cheesy, but everything else he has is all about puppy dogs and fire trucks...I thought we needed some humor. :) I also bought each twin a tiny burnt orange University of Texas t-shirt that says "Class of 2029" on it. We need to start brain-washing them early. :)

By the time I got home I was wiped out. (What a change from my pre-pregnant life of being on the go 12 hours a day.) I tried to appear fine in front of Hubby just to avoid the "over-doing-it" speech, but I ended up taking a 2-hour deep coma nap anyway...and getting the "over-doing-it" speech anyway.

I never thought I would see the day I would write a long blog about the excitement of going to two stores and leaving the house for the first time in a week. What can I say? This is my life right now.

Anyway, we had a good weekend. We watched "Little Miss Sunshine," the NFL playoffs, cooked some yummy dinners and enjoyed the good weather. No complaints.

I see my OB again this Thursday, and Hubby will be out of town (AGAIN) for three days. He has cleared his calendar of all travel after February 6th...thank God. I am ready for him to stay put. He usually doesn't travel this much, but he is lead counsel on a major law suit and trying to get it settled before the twins arrive.

Oh, and the twins have been extremely active this weekend. They are kicking so hard that I can see it by just looking down at my belly. When they really get going, my entire belly shakes and twitches. How cool! :) It really helps Hubby feel connected to the babies too now that he can really feel them kick with his hand on my belly.

I hope everyone had a good weekend too!

Get me outta here!

I am suffering from the worst case of cabin fever! First, we had ice and snow for most of this week. Now that Hubby is back at work, he is becoming so hardcore about me leaving the house for any reason at all. I have left the house once in the past week, and I really can't handle being stuck here anymore! Hubby is no longer hubby...he has transformed into a prison warden! Now that I am almost at 30 weeks, he is watching me like a hawk. So nervous about me doing any little thing. I know his intentions are good, but I NEED fresh air. I need to go for a drive. I need a change of scenery. Something. Anything.

Another Ramble-fest

Lately, I have been surfing around the blogosphere reading other women's blogs about their pregnancies, especially twin pregnancies. Aside from filling my time, it gives me a sense of comfort to read that another woman is experiencing the same things I am. I get that, 'Oh, okay, this is normal' sense of relief.

But the one thing I have also noticed is how my journey to conception wasn't nearly as dramatic or trying as most other women I read about. We tried naturally for three years with no luck. I had a uterine polyp surgically removed in February 2005, and then went through all of the testing. Finally I did three cycles of Clomid...also with no luck. Then we took a full year off because we had so much family stuff going on -- the death of my dad and the death of my Granny being the highlights. We essentially had thrown in the towel. We didn't speak of it and I wrapped myself up in work.

Then this past July I decided to take an ovulation test. It came back negative. They always came back negative. It was the first ovulation test I had taken in a year. Anyway, that night we went out to dinner and a movie. We came back to the house and...well...conceived twins the old-fashioned way. It had been so long that sex was just sex. Remember how sex used to be?...fun and spontaneous. For years our bedroom had become a laboratory of sorts. Everything was timed. Positions were limited. Afterwards, I would have to get into some crazy yoga-like position. None of that happened the night we got pregnant.

A few weeks later, my period was a day late. I was also very regular, but I didn't really think too much of it. Hubby was away on business and flying home that afternoon. To this day, I don't know why I decided to take a home pregnancy test. It wasn't even on my mind as a possibility that I could be pregnant. I dug out a year-old test and took it. I went back to the kitchen to finish up some dishes and completely forgot about the test sitting on the bathroom counter top. Finally I went back there and noticed the faintest second line on the test. I couldn't believe it, but I wasn't overly excited either. I thought either the test was too old to be accurate or something wasn't right because the line was so faint. I didn't start to get excited until I called Hubby (who was about to board his flight home) and my mom, and heard them scream and get all excited.

I thought I had such a long, emotional, tough road to getting pregnant but it doesn't even come close to so many other women. Thankfully I never had to do IVF or any of the other procedures. I just wish I knew how it happened. How did I release two eggs when I never ovulate?

I guess I will never know the answer to that question, and in the big picture it doesn't really matter. I feel so lucky that I am getting a boy and a girl, and my family will be complete. Now I just focus on the finish line and dream about the moment I finally get to see these little monkeys that I have waited so long for...and who have been kicking me non-stop since early October!

I start week 29 on Friday.

Random Bullets of Crappola

• I am on my third day of taking the iron supplement for my anemia (Repliva). What a difference! I felt so exhausted for the first two-ish days, but now I feel re-energized. I guess I never realize just how fatigued I was feeling until I felt good for the first time in weeks.
• Austin is finally thawing out. I wish we would have more snow and less ice. Hubby is returning to work tomorrow...which is a good thing. :) We have enough trapped-in-the-house-due-to-ice-togetherness to last until next winter.
• After asking around and doing some research, I have found a pediatrician that I am interested in. Now that the weather is getting better, I am going to call him either this week or early next to try to set up an interview. Several of Hubby's co-workers use him, he is only a mile from our house, and everyone just swears by him. Now it's a question of if he is taking on new patients. I need to come up with a plan of attack to convince him to take on the twins because I don't have a Plan B doc in mind.
• Something is happening in the boob department. I haven't decided if I want to post on it because I'm not sure how graphic I should be on here. Let's just say, things are changing!

The Big Chill

I don't have much to report today.

We have been iced and snowed in today. I love days like this...Hubby's office was closed...we are still in our flannel PJs...everything is white outside...cooking some warm, comforting chili. Texans are not used to anything white being on the ground, so when it happens (usually just one or two days per year) the whole city literally shuts down.

I still haven't been feeling all that hot for the second day in a row. I don't feel like I am getting sick, but I just feel blah. My belly is feeling very heavy...especially down low. Yesterday I started taking a 21-day supply of Repliva to treat my anemia. Perhaps that will raise my energy levels soon.

The belly @ 28 weeks

Here is the belly at 28 weeks. I have never been a terribly vain person, but I can't stand seeing recent photos of myself. I have never been so massive in my life! I didn't even know it was possible to get this big. It's not even the belly that I mind so much, it's how fat my face looks. I almost don't recognize myself. It's pretty remarkable if you go back and look at my pre-pregnancy photos. A good comparison is looking at my profile photo (look to the right). That photo was taken exactly one month before I got pregnant with the twins. Notice how I have a distinctive jawline? (Yeah, I know I am just bitching.)

Anyway, this is me and my mom...petting her future (and only) grandchildren.

1st Batch of Shower Photos

The food (yum!)

Baby Girl diaper cake

Baby Boy diaper cake

My cute little cousin Brylee observing the guests

I didn't take many photos with my own camera, so I will upload more once my family emails me their photos from the shower.

The Final Baby Shower

Saturday's baby shower was a lot of fun! The weather was absolutely horrible (cold/icy and wet) and we thought that may drop the attendance, but we still had a nice turn-out. My Aunt Cindy, Aunt Kathy and cousin Jil hosted the shower at Cindy's house. They truly went all out on food, decorations and gifts.

At my first shower in Tyler (my hometown), I received a ton of beautiful clothes. My twins will be the best dressed in Austin for sure, but I was a little nervous that I had not gotten much off of my registry (i.e., needed baby gear). This shower was all about the essentials. We got a lot of feeding stuff (bottles, sterilizers, etc.), our double stroller, Boppy pillows, diapers, diaper bags, etc. We also got several monogrammed/personalized items...my Aunt Cindy made two gorgeous quilts for the twins with their names on it, pillows, etc.

The whole concept of registries makes me uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable when we got married and had our bridal registry and the same holds true for baby registries. I am not totally sure I see the point because people (in my experience) rarely buy off of it. They like to buy cute baby clothes and other things they feel I will need. It's just so foreign to me to essentially say, 'I want this, this and this!'

I am pretty well stocked now on twin gear. The only things I lack are: another high-chair (I have one of the two I registered for), bouncy seats, and a Pack-n-Play. I will go buy those once the weather gets a bit better. I have one swing, but I am not sure if I need a second one. What do you think?

The only thing about the shower that was a disappointment was my no-show Realtor friends. Even though I stopped working in September, they have all kept up with my pregnancy and they know I will be returning to the world of real estate once the twins are old enough. Frankly, it kinda pissed me off. I have been to countless baby and bridal showers for these women that I have worked with for years. Not a single one attended or even RSVP'ed one way or the other. Oh well.

My mom went home yesterday morning. She helped me a lot get the nursery better organized. It's more of a challenge than you may think when you are dealing with two different genders and baby clothes that range from preemie to 2T sizes! I had a good visit with her. My mother-in-law wasn't able to come to the shower because she was iced in up in Dallas. Once again, oh well.

National Delurking Week

I often feel like I am just talking to myself on here ... which I suppose wouldn't be too bad...this would continue to just be my little pregnancy journal, but I would love to know who is out there reading all of my late night ramblings.

So post a comment and say hello!

Week 28

Mom came into town this morning, and everything has been going well. We went shopping for gliders and went out to lunch. While at dinner, I got a call on my cell phone from my OB's nurse. She informed me that yesterday's lab works shows that I am anemic and that I also have an elevated white blood count.

The anemia isn't that big of a deal and is very common in twin pregnancies. I will start a new supplement on Monday to fix that. I can't explain the elevated white blood count. I feel just fine, but I have been having some nasal congestion...most likely from cedar fever (damn allergies!). They want to test me again next week and then perhaps put me on some mild antibiotic.

Tomorrow is the big shower.

Perfect Babies!

Whew! What a relief. My OB appointment went wonderfully and all of my concerns/fears have been relieved...for now.

First of all, I am doing very well. My blood pressure was 118/80 (perfect). I have gained a total of 34 lbs (perfect...according to them. Seems like a lot to me!). They took some blood to test my iron levels. They measured my uterus and said I was right on track.

The twins looked great too. They are still transverse (horizontal)...both of them. They still like to have their heads next to each other. In fact, he tried to get a photo of them like that because it looked like they were kissing -- even though they are in separate sacs. They had the perfect amount of amnio fluid, and their heart rates were exactly where they should be. And as usual, they were hyper little babies during the ultrasound. All and all, everyone is doing better than could be expected.

We had a long chat about these pre-term contractions. Yes, they are contractions he said, not round ligament pain. That occurs when I am moving and not when I am laying down and being still. He said to expect more of these scary episodes, that they will get more frequent and more intense as I progress closer to the finish line, and to get off my feet and stay well-hydrated. Hydration and rest were the keys to avoiding an early debut. Let's see...what else...oh, and he said I need to call the office if (a) my water breaks, (b) I have more than 6-8 contractions per hour, (c) I develop a fever over 102, or (d) I start to bleed.

I feel so much better. Hubby is flying home tonight, and my mom will be coming into town tomorrow morning for my baby shower on Saturday. This will be a good weekend!

Nightmare

It's currently 7 AM, and an hour ago I woke up for the most horrible nightmare of my life. I woke up sobbing and overwhelmed with a sense of fear. The dream, like all of my dreams, is patchy, but I wanted to write down what I could remember.

I was sitting in a wheelchair looking at my tiny daughter in the NICU. She was obviously very premature. She was in one of the clear plastic incubators and hooked up to every monitor and tube possible. The nurses had told us to talk to her and touch her because she was fighting for her life. So we did. Hubby was freaked out and speechless, so he just sort of stood there. He seemed scared to touch something so fragile and tiny. I had my hand stuck in the incubator with my daughter's hand wrapped around my finger. When I spoke to her, the monitors would indicate her heart rate going up. So she knew my voice. I just talked and talked to her. I told her the meaning of her name. It's a family name, and I wanted her to know she comes from a long line of strong women. I told her to fight and how much we loved her, etc. Anyway, her heart rate slowly started to go down until it flat-lined. She was gone. In the dream I just sobbed and sobbed. Refusing to let go of her hand. Then I woke up.

What made this dream even more upsetting to me is how it parallels the real life experience I had watching my Granny die last April. The major difference being that my Granny had lived a long, full life and was dying an old lady; my daughter was dying before she had even started her adventure. But the deaths were the same. When Granny was in the ICU, they encouraged us to talk to her because it increased her heart rate. I would sit for hours at her bedside, holding her hand, talking to her about everything under the sun with one eye on the heart monitor. When the decision was made by the family to remove her from life support, I was in the room. I held her hand and talked to her. Painfully watching her heart rate drop down to nothing, and then the horrible beep of the monitor as she flat-lined and was gone. It was the most traumatic event of my life.

It doesn't take an expert to interpret last night's dream. I fear losing one of my twins above all else. We are so close to the finish line, that it would just devastate me if something happened at this point. I don't understand why my son wasn't in the dream though. I assume he was doing great. Anyway, the dream was especially painful because it was like revisiting Granny's death all over again.

I don't fully know what my thoughts on the afterlife are...they seem to sway. But I've always thought that my Granny had something to do with my twins. After years and years of trying, we got pregnant with the twins less two and half months after she died. She was very much a part of the long, painful infertility journey. I would call her after every failed treatment, after every time my period would arrive. She knew how badly we wanted children. And then suddenly -- with no treatment, no Clomid, no medical/scientific assistance -- we got pregnant with two babies. I can't help but think she had something to do with it.

Anyway, my OB appointment is in about two hours, and never before have I needed to see my twins on ultrasound like I do today. Especially my daughter. I need reassurance that it was just my unconscious playing out my fears in the form of a dream. That it wasn't an omen or anything like that.

Another Day in the Life of...

Ugh. Another night of sleep denied! I think it's some combination of Hubby being away on business and my sleep schedule gradually getting turned around. I am napping a good chunk of the day, and therefore have a hard time sleeping at night. Although, this isn't the case when Hubby is home.

I don't think I have mentioned this before, but I have been experiencing this strange "loose hip" feeling. It feels like my thigh bone has slightly popped out of joint with my pelvic bone. It doesn't hurt, but I have to hobble around until it gradually goes back to normal. I think it's from all of this sleeping on my side business. I have always been a stomach sleeper, so that's one of the things I am looking forward to getting to do again once the twins are born. I have actually had dreams about that, and that can't possibly be normal!

I want to encourage all of the pregnant-with-twins (or more) ladies out there to watch the National Geographic channel this Sunday night. They will be showing In the Womb: Multiples. This Sunday's episode will focus on twins, but they have other shows on triplets and quads. I have a feeling they will be focusing primarily on identical twins because they are definitely more interesting from a scientific view. Anyway, I am looking forward to it. In so many of my ultrasounds over the past few months, the doc has gotten a chuckle out of the fact that my twins usually position themselves with their heads close together. After watching the previews and ads for the In the Womb special, I am starting to wonder if they have been playing, communicating, or just simply bonding with each other.

Upon first learning I was carrying boy/girl twins, I had some sort of notion that they would be less "twin-like"...less emotional dependence on each other. That was until I spent an afternoon hanging out with a friend-of-a-friend who had 15 month old boy/girl twins. She told me about how they used to cuddle in the crib together, and how even now that they have their own bed and separate bedrooms they will still sneak into each other's room and cuddle together at night. She told me about they hold hands when watching a movie. They get upset if their twin takes a fall and gets a minor injury. Even though they have different personalities and different looks, they still have this amazing bond. A friend for life...more than just a sibling.

I picked up my mom's birthday gift this afternoon, and it is soooo cute! It's a aqua & chocolate brown diaper bag with all kinds of stuff inside (traveling changing pad, bottle warmer, etc). On the outside I have the twins' names monogrammed and on the opposite side it says "Granny's Bag." It came out better than I had hoped, and now my mom will have a bag to keep at her house for the twins' visits. I also bought a pair of fancy white panties/bloomers with my daughter's name monogrammed on the butt. It will be cute in pictures. I think I am starting to go over-board with monogramming, but I just love this little store. I will try to post some photos of it all tomorrow.

On a side and completely random note, my "bad" dog Maggie got into the pantry and managed to get into a new jar of peanut butter while I was napping this morning. She made a royal mess! Aside from having to clean up the kitchen floor, I also had to clean her down. Maggie has definitely become my nightmare child lately. I need a doggie shrink!

I finally get to see my OB tomorrow morning! Very excited.

Ten on Tuesday: TV Guilty Pleasures

1. The Girls Next Door (E!)
2. Ace of Cakes (Food Network)
3. Big Brother (CBS)
4. Project Runway (Bravo)
5. Inside the Actor's Studio (Bravo)
6. Semi-Homemade Cooking (Food Network)
7. Dog the Bounty Hunter (A&E)
8. Anything on The History Channel
9. Roseanne (reruns on Nick @ Nite)
10. All of the house flipping/real estate shows (Designed to Sell, Flip That House, Property Ladder, etc).

Contractions? Round Ligament Pain? Cramps?

I had another semi-rough night. I honestly don't know what I am feeling...sometimes it feels crampy...sometimes it feels like contractions...sometimes it's a dull aching/pulling feeling. It was that dull aching and pulling feeling that I had last night. The pain was located extremely low on my belly and towards the center. I am thinking that it's the infamous round ligament pain that I've read about. Perhaps, it's just the feeling of my uterus being stretched to the max that is keeping up at night. Whatever it is, it's keeping me on full alert and making it even more difficult to get a good night's rest. I also had a lot of baby movement which added to an already sore situation.

I have an appointment to see my OB on Thursday morning and I will definitely be asking about this. I hope he takes a look at my cervix just to give me some peace of mind that nothing has started happening yet. He hasn't done a pelvic exam since my first appointment with him at 8 weeks...though I hear that's normal.

Hubby left for yet another business trip at 5 AM yesterday morning. I hate that he is gone, but after this week's trip things will slow down a bit for him. I am sure I must sounds horribly clingy since I talk about his business trips so often lately, but when I am laying in bed having contractions (or whatever it is) in the middle of the night all alone it adds to the scariness factor. If something were to happen, my mom is 250 miles away and Hubby is hours away by plane. Plus, he has a way of comforting me and calming me down.

Anyway, I am venturing out of the house for a bit today. I need to drop off some dry cleaning and return some wall lettering at the baby store.

Check out this funny little video about fighting fetuses.

11 Things People Do That Annoy You

I am trapped in my home office while my maid does her magic, so it's meme time!

1. People who don't send Thank You notes.
2. People who are chronically late.
3. People who don't know how to merge onto the highway from the entrance ramp.
4. People who talk on their cell phones while you are sitting in a restaurant or in the car with them. This especially applies if they don't tell the caller they are busy and will call them back -- i.e., if they actually have a damn conversation with the caller as you just sit there.
5. People who don't return their emails or voicemails.
6. People who just generally don't keep their word. If you say you're going do to something -- and especially if others are depending on you to do it -- then you better do it.
7. People who make racist, sexist, anti-Semitic or homophobic remarks.
8. Drivers who don't give a little thank you wave when you go out of your way to let them in. This may be just a Southern thing.
9. People who are just excuse-makers; no sense of personal accountability; cannot admit fault; who always assumes the victim role.
10. People who are having a conversation with who ever is in the room with them while you are on the phone with them.
11. People who let their kids run wild and free at the store.

Full Moon Predictions & Bad Round of Contractions

I had a not-so-fun day. Hubby has been so busy traveling, that he went up to his office to get some more work knocked out. So, I had the day to myself. While he was gone, I decided to go run a few minor errands. Anyway, I went to a very cool monogram store close to my house and ordered all kinds of cool stuff for the twins and my mom's birthday gift. As I am standing there at the counter, it hit. Contractions. Hit. Hard. My back began to ache. I was having very painful cramps/contractions. The lady at the store had to help me to my car! So I rushed home and called Hubby at work. He immediately came home and tried to comfort me as I rested in bed. He made an attempt to time the contractions -- 8 minutes apart, according to him -- but I am pretty sure he wasn't doing it correctly. [Mental Note: Teach Hubby how to time them!] Anyway, they left as soon as they hit, but I spent the rest of day in bed. The whole episode lasted about 45 minutes. It scared the hell out of me! It really scares me to think I will be home alone all of next week while Hubby is away again.

By the way, my mom looked up the full moon schedule and had predicted twins arrival to be March 3rd or 4th. The 3rd is a full moon, and I was born on a full moon. So was Hubby. I know that's not scientific, but I have heard this same prediction from a few nurses too. Something about the gravitational pull I suppose.

I am off to bed. Exhausted. I can tell I am getting bigger and bigger every week now.

27 Weeks

I just got back from my ultrasound and the twins are doing great. Thank God! I was so worried about this appointment. The boy weighed in at 2 lbs., 3 oz., and the girl was exactly 2 lbs. So they have doubled in size in a month. Their heartbeats looked excellent as well. I feel such a sense of relief. The babies were squirming and active during the ultrasound. They look so good!

Congratulations Madame Speaker!

What a great day to be a woman! I just finished watching Nancy Pelosi get sworn in as the first woman Speaker of the House. All American women, regardless of political affiliation, should feel an extra sense of pride today.

There is something about Pelosi that reminds me of my own mother. They don't look a like nor do they share the same political viewpoints (mom's a Republican), but there something in the mannerisms that is similar. Too bad my mom hates politics as much as she does because I could see her in that role. She is tough. She has an amazing ability to see both sides of the coin. She is practical and logical. And she would be an excellent referee. Not to mention, she has an inspirational bio.

My favorite sound bite from Pelosi's acceptance speech was when she thanked her husband and children for giving her the self-confidence to go from the kitchen to the Congress. I think my own husband would be supportive if I ever wanted to take that path because he has been supportive in all of my career decisions and paths -- and there have been several. But I don't think he would truly enjoy it. He likes watching politics from a distance and in small doses.

We have always joked about the idea of me getting into politics down the road, but it's not a realistic idea. I would much rather be behind the scenes. To be the puppetmaster pulling the strings, but not the actual puppet...so to speak. Besides, too much of my youthful bad decisions have been witnessed by too many folks. :)

Well, I wasn't able to reschedule my doc appointment. I am still on to see him tomorrow morning. I have felt more baby movement today and last night, so I am feeling a little better about that. Hubby -- who just returned last night from a business trip -- informed me this morning that he is going to have to leave again tomorrow. Apparently, he is having to fill in for a co-worker who is preparing to argue in front of the Texas Supreme Court next week. He will only be gone for a day, but he will miss yet another doc appointment and ultrasound.

I hope his schedule slows down once the twins arrive. I am going to need his help.

Oh, and it was nice seeing Norah O'Donnell back on MSNBC...she is carrying twins (due this spring) as well and looks great!

Nothing new

Well, Hubby has returned from his business trip. He ate dinner and went straight to bed. Exhausted.

Nothing new to report. Weather has been rainy and chilly all day. This has been the wettest winter in recent memory.

I can't wait until Friday. I need to see the twins again.

Kick Babies, Kick!

Alright I am getting a bit concerned about a slow down in baby(ies) movement(s) in the past few days. It hasn't been a complete stop, but it's been a definite slow down and change in pattern. I had gotten so used to their kicking schedule that it's alarming when that changes. I have an appointment to see my perinatalist on Friday, but I am wondering if I should try to see if they have any time available tomorrow. Am I being paranoid? Is something wrong or are they just starting to run out of room in there? My gut tells me there is nothing to be worried about, but I don't always trust my gut. The other shitty part is that I can't do a traditional "kick test"...drinking a Coke or Dr. Pepper (sugar = BAD for diabetes), laying on your left side, and then counting the amount of kicks in an hour. *sigh* One of the reasons I was going to just wait until Friday is because Hubby really wanted to go with me, and he won't be back in town until tomorrow night. What to do, What to do.

I got a call from the nurse again because I expressed such concern about my out-of-control sugar levels. They have really jacked up my insulin amounts! Unless you're a diabetic, these numbers won't mean much, but here are my new amounts...

Breakfast: 70 units of Humulin NPH & 50 units of Humulin Regular

Lunch: 50 units of Humulin Regular

Dinner: 50 units of Humulin NPH & 50 units of Humulin Regular

Bedtime: 50 units of some new insulin...I can't remember the name right now

To put all of this in perspective, when I first started taking insulin -- when I was 7 weeks pregnant -- I started out taking ONLY 5 units of insulin at bedtime! The docs tell me a lot of this is due to having two placentas...which is better for the twins, but not so great for diabetics. These two placentas have completely taken over my hormone production and natural insulin is a hormone. They also tell me to not freak out because this is exactly what they told me would happen as I approached my third trimester. I feel like I am fighting against nature in all regards...the battle with the insulin and the battle to keep these twins in the oven for as long as possible. And it's only going to get worse as the weeks go on. It amazes me to think I will actually be able to go off the insulin injections and back to taking a pill a day about two months after delivery.

Oh, and I'm 26 weeks, 5 days.

Yet another Meme!

Okay, clearly I have problem because I can't seem to walk away from anything that isn't a quiz or meme. I know it's getting boring and tiresome for anyone who actually reads this blog.

In 2007...

Will you be looking for a new job?
I don't think so. It's more like I will be restarting my real estate career later in the year. It all depends on how my twins are doing, but I definitely miss working.

Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No, I am very happy in my marriage right now. It hasn't always been like that, and I feel like I finally am where I want to be.

New house?
I hope so. We are going to start looking this summer. We need a bigger house thanks to the twins. For the first time, we are having to think about stuff like schools, parks, safe neighborhoods, etc.

What will you do differently in 2007?
I have a feeling that becoming a parent for the first time will force me to do almost everything differently. I hope to have more patience.

New Year's resolutions?
Yes, and I've already posted them.

What will you not be doing in 2007?
Putting myself first. Probably won't be going out much either.

Any trips planned?
The only thing we seem to know for sure is that we will be going out to Vegas for a friend's wedding this fall. I am also hoping to take the twins to our favorite Galveston cabin late in the summer. I love going there and I want to introduce the babies to ocean as soon as possible. Of course, this may not be happening since they will still be so young.

Wedding plans?
Not for me! I know one of my close friends will be getting married and possibly another one will too. I am looking forward to just be a guest!

Major thing on your calendar?
March 1st...that's my goal on holding in my twins. That marks 36 weeks.

What can't you wait for?
March 1st...and the birth of my twins. I am also looking forward to next Christmas.

What would you like to see happen differently?
Less friend drama

What about yourself will be changing?
Everything...the challenge will be keeping some part of myself from not changing.

What happened in 2006 that you didn't think would ever happen?
Getting pregant. Getting pregnant with twins!

Will you dress differently this year than you did in 2006?
Yes, I will be out of maternity clothes!

Will you do charity work?
I wish I could, but the truthful answer is that I won't have time.

Do you expect 2007 to be a good year for you?
Yes...one of the best.

How much did you change from this time last year until now?
A lot. I wasn't very happy this time last year for a huge range of reasons. It's like the difference between night and day now.

Do you plan on having a child?
Yes! Two of them.

Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I hope so, but some of them are going to have to step up to the plate more in the near future. I hope to make more friends that are in the same boat I am in currently...new mother, mother of twins. I am still the only chick in my circle of friends that is married. I feel like Miranda sometimes!

Major lifestyle changes?
Yes...the biggest...parenthood

Will you be moving?
God, I hope so!

What will you make sure doesn't happen in 2007 that happened in 2006?
Getting pregnant...we are done with that.

Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Yes, but my someone was sleeping!

One wish for 2007?
Healthy babies, Healthy me

Welcome '007

And another year has arrived. And another New Year's was a dud. Once upon a time, this was my favorite holiday of the year. I loved the sense that a new year brought in a clean slate. Anything was possible. I have had some great New Year memories with friends. This year, like the past few, rang in with little to no fan fare in my household. Hubby and I went to a nice steakhouse for an early dinner. When we got home, he went to bed at 7:30 PM with a headache. I settled in on the sofa to watch a Law & Order marathon on TNT. As midnight approached, I switched over to one of the countdown shows in Times Square. By 12:05 AM I was back watching Law & Order. B-o-r-i-n-g.

This is going to be a big year for me. I will be turning 30 in March. I will become a mother (times two!) for the first time in March (or possibly February) as well. We will be buying a new house this summer.

Hubby returned to work after having about a week and half off. He will also be back to travelling a lot again. He will pretty much only be home on the weekends in January! Who would have guessed that a lawyer would travel so much.