May 30, 2007
Update your bookmarks...I'm moving
This "new" (not really new, just different address) is going to be viewed by a lot of folks in my real life (family, friends, clients, co-workers, etc), so I am currently doing A LOT of self-censoring right now...i.e., no more bitching about Mark. I think he is glad I am going to have a blog everyone we know can read. He said I acted secretive about this blog. I'm a bit sad to no longer have a forum to bitch openly about things I am feeling and experiencing, but oh well.
So here is the new address...follow me :)
Oh, and it goes without saying that this is a work-in-progress. I am still trying to figure stuff out and the damn thing won't let me import. Grr.
Attention Lurkers: This would be a great time to introduce yourself.
May 29, 2007
Sickos
The entire household has a damn cold. Thanks day care! Let me tell ya, it's NOT fun dealing with two sick twins and a sick husband when you feel like you've been hit by a bus. The house is still largely unpacked and a total mess, and frankly I don't care anymore. I just wish the twins would sleep like adults sleep when they are sick. Ugh, misery!
May 22, 2007
Home Sweet Home
The kids will be at day care most of this week, so I can focus on getting us out of the sea of boxes. They are having a rough adjustment right now, and I feel bad for them. First of all, they are at day care now and that's a new experience for them. Now they are in a new house, yet another new experience. And finally, they are in their cribs and out of the Pack-n-Play. When they get home from day care, they both just cling to me. It makes me feel like the worst mama in the world. Of course, the other side of that coin is that because they are so clingy on me right now I can't get any unpacking done and so they have to go to day care. Poor babies. :(
Carson is eating like a pig now too. He went from 4 oz up to 6 oz overnight. He is 3 1/2 months old and actually wearing 3 month old clothes. I can't believe how big he is getting. No one would ever guess he is a preemie. He has a follow-up appointment tomorrow morning with the cardiologist. (Remember, he had a heart valve issue at birth that was corrected with drugs.) I hope all goes well with that. Oh, and everyday his eyes are turning a lighter shade of blue. They may end up lighter than mine (which is odd since Mark has brown eyes).
Miss Kate is loving day care. More so that Carson I think. It seems pretty obvious to me that she is a social butterfly. They tell me that her favorite thing to do at day care is sit in her bouncy seat and watch the older kids (toddlers) run around, scream, play, etc. She gets excited by it, and I am sure she is chomping at the bit to join the fun. She has mastered the tongue game...I stick out my tongue and then she does. She has taken it to the next level though. She can imitate the speed of which I stick out my tongue. If I do it fast, she will too. If I do it slow, she does it slow. If I wiggle my tongue, she will try to. Such a smart girl! I am a little concerned at her size. It seems like Carson is just passing her by now.
Well, I better get to work. I will post photos of the new pad once I get settled in, and once I unpack my own computer (I'm on Mark's right now).
May 16, 2007
Moving, Ugh
We are closing on our house today (finally!), and then the work begins. The big move is on Friday, but we are spending the next two days painting and having some work done, etc. Man I hate moving! Anyway, I will be away from the blogosphere for a little bit, but here's a ultra quick update...
- The kiddos did okay at their first day of day care on Monday. They were there from 10 AM to 2:30 PM. Honestly, I hated it the entire time. I had Mark's assistant check on them frequently and email me updates. ("Carson was crying, but now he is fine....They are both sleeping...Kate ate 3 ounces, etc.") I am sure she finds this very annoying. I don't know what I think of all of this. The point of day care was so I could relax and get some stuff done. Instead, I worried and thought about them the whole time. They will be going back on Thursday so we can work on the new house.
- Mom's coming back to town on Thursday evening to watch the twins during the big move. I wish she would just retire already. :)
- The twins bought me (via my mother) a beautiful silver "mom" bracelet. Mark brought me white tulips (sentimental reasons behind that) and wrote me a sweet letter. The best Mother's Day gift, however, was my mom watching the twins while Mark and I went out to dinner Saturday night. Of course, we talked about the twins the entire time. I hope that changes one day. I miss non-twin conversation. Afterwards, we cuddled in bed and watched SNL together. Laying in bed and watching TV without having one ear on the baby monitor is my new definition of heaven.
- The twins are loving their Baby Einstein playmat thingie. They are all about reaching, grabbing and knocking things over right now. I swear Kate is on her way to rolling over! She gets so incredibly mad if something is slightly out of her reach that she does anything to get to it. I wonder where she gets that from?! Hmm... :)
May 11, 2007
The house deal holds up
We are closing on Wednesday morning. We are much too exhausted to celebrate.
May 9, 2007
The New Normal
- I think the REALLY rough adjustment period may be coming to an end. I am getting used to this new life with the twins. I have figured out how to sneak in naps, and they are pretty solid with the 3-hour feedings (no more every hour or two feedings). Kate is getting better and better at self-soothing, and her screaming fits are less frequent. Of course, I still have some pretty awful days. I am still horribly sleep deprived. I still miss my freedom....but I am also getting used to this new normal.
- The twins will be starting day care at Mark's firm on Monday. They will only be there half a day, and all of this is just a try out period. I am looking forward to it, but I know I will miss them terribly. There may be some days when I only drop off one of the twins and have some one-on-one time with the other. I feel like I need to cuddle with Carson more. He is always giving up his mommy time due to his demanding sister.
- I know I vowed not to talk smack about Nanny Mary, but it just not working out with her. She is trying to drag Mark and I into a staffing drama at Mark's day care (remember her daughters run it). It has turned into a big mess, and she has been trying to bully me and guilt me into not taking them to day care. She has managed to piss off the law partners, and everything is tense. When I told her that I need to return to work and cited the fact that we spend $600 a month on formula, she said, "Well, if you used your breasts the way God intended you wouldn't have that problem, now would you?" And with that I said bye-bye to Nanny Mary and hello to part-time day care.
- We are having some other major drama in our house buying situation...appraisal issues to be exact. We are scheduled to close a week from today, and now I am not even sure if this deal will hold together. *Sigh* We are waiting to hear. I hate all of this 11th hour crap.
- I did my blood work today. I will hopefully hear something soon as to what may be revealed with that. Since my doc doubled my diabetes meds, I feel 100% better. Whew! I just hope there isn't something more serious at work here.
May 3, 2007
It's Pitty Party Time...Woo Hoo
Before babies (taken late April 2006). Umm, this photo is more "suggestive" than intended. Mark took it because I wanted to show one of my girlfriends that I finally found a place that waxed my brows to my liking. Anyway, notice how I have a jawline? Make-up on? Clean straight hair? Some evidence of playfulness and life?
Current (taken in Houston last week with Kate). Glasses, much fatter face, wild looking brows, out-of-control hair...looking and feeling like I had just been hit my a truck. Well, at least I had on some lip gloss.
I have been feeling a lot better this week thanks in part to Nanny Mary and being able to sleep between nighttime feedings (the twins are holding strong at 3 hours between chow times). But I still feel pretty yuck. I don't think I have ever felt or looked so horrible in my entire life. I've noticed that I am now wearing the official "mom attire" all the time now....yoga pants (they are comfy and fit), over-sized t-shirt (to hide my post-pregnant-with-twins-flabby-gut) with formula stains on the left shoulder thanks to spit up, no make-up (and I look really shitty with no make-up), air-dried hair pulled back in a bun (i.e., frizzy, style-less, but grateful I at least got to shower), flip-flops (but no pedicure), and glasses (instead of my contacts).
Before I had the babies, I remember seeing women wearing the mom attire in the grocery store and thinking to myself, 'Wow, she needs a day off.' Of course, at that time I was probably standing in the express lane with a 12-pack of Diet Coke in one arm, talking to a client on my cell phone, and trying to get to a sales meeting ASAP...all polished, clean, well-rested, and put together....and stupidly thinking I needed the day off!My how things can change in a year. Despite all of my bitching, it's been a good change though. I can't imagine my life without the twins now. On those rare days I actually get to leave the house to run errands, I miss the babies the whole time. They are growing fast now. They are starting to sleep longer and be more expressive. I am trying to find a way to incorporate a few small elements of my former life before babies into my new life with the babies. Not sure how or what just yet...but getting my fat ass to the gym a few times a week and getting a hair-cut are pretty high on my list right now.
May 1, 2007
I Heart My Nanny
I don't need anti-depressants. I need sleep!
Nanny Mary came over at 9 AM and stayed until 3 PM. I slept from 9 AM until 1 PM, and then took an hour drive just to get some fresh hair. I feel like a new person. I feel like my old self again.
I don't know what she does to them, but every time she comes they are good the rest of the day for me. We talked a lot about putting them on a schedule and stretching out the time between feedings. I am also going to have her come an extra day during the week, and extending some of her normal time here.
Bottom line: I don't care what she costs anymore because my health, my sanity, and my marriage are worth a lot more than $15 per hour.
I just thought I would post something positive for a change. I know some of you were worried I was about to drop the twins off at the nearest fire station or something. :)
Oh -- brace yourself -- Kate slept from 7:45 PM to 2 AM last night!! She got up at 2 AM, I fed her, she went right back to bed. I couldn't believe it! I hope it wasn't a fluke.
Illogical Ramblings...and too tired to care
I read a great line yesterday that sums up how I am feeling about motherhood right now..."I'm straddling the line between Donna Reed and Joan Crawford."
I had a long phone chat with my pedi's nurse....mostly about how Kate is driving us crazy and we are worried that something is wrong with her. We also discussed the possibility of part-time day care. We don't think she has acid reflux or colic. She is just fussy. Period. She also told us that if Kate wants me to hold her, then I need to hold her. Babies are establishing trust right now and that is based on their needs being met. I can't spoil Kate at this age by holding her all the time, but I can do damage by not filling her needs (i.e., being held). This is something Mark needed to hear because he is still stuck on this "don't spoil the babies" crap, but it doesn't address the fact that I can't and don't want to hold Kate 24/7. (Oh, and I tried using a sling with Kate today...she hated it. She wants to be vertical on my chest.)
I am going to hold off on day care as long as I can and try to get my Nanny here more often...even though she is expensive. But I also refuse to feel guilty about it either. The same family members who aren't offering to help me out are the same ones making feel guilty about part-time day care. I don't know why this has been bothering me so much lately. I've never been the type to give a damn what people have thought about me or any of my decisions, so I don't know why I would care now...but I have been. I've also decided to not be stupid and try to do this move into the new house on my own. We are hiring movers to pack us and move us. It's worth the price to me. The idea that I don't have to pack up our entire house on my own has taken a HUGE stress weight off my shoulders.
In other news...we may move our closing date on the new house up a week to May 11th. The sellers are wanting that, and it doesn't matter to us either way. We should find out tomorrow.
April 28, 2007
First Houston Trip
It wasn't exactly the "vacation" it was billed to be, but I had an okay time. The change of scenery was definitely good, and it was nice seeing other family members. The spa day did not happen. In fact I only left the house twice the entire week...once to go to Office Max to fax some time-sensitive docs to my mortgage broker and then over to my step-brother's house.
The twins did remarkably well on the car trip. We made a stop halfway for a feeding and changing, but other than that they slept the whole time. Once we got to my mom's, we had a tough day and a half adjustment. They must have known they were in a new environment, and they were extremely fussy....especially Kate, but what's new.
Actually, Kate was a nightmare for pretty much the entire trip. I did not realize a 2 month old baby was capable of doing this, but she only wants me to hold her and hold her ALL of the time. There is no way I can just let her cry it out either because she has the most angry/rageful cry I have ever heard. I am seriously afraid she will pass out if I let her go with it. Kate's new clinginess is draining on me, and I don't know what to do about it. If she isn't eating or sleeping, she is crying for me. Bath time is a rare moment of contentment for her (and me!).
Yesterday, we went over to my step-brother's house. I got to meet his 4-month old baby Adam for the first time, and do some catch-up with his oldest child Ryan. Ryan, who is 2 1/2, was so sweet to the twins. He could not correctly pronounce Kate's name so he called her "Cake." All afternoon he referred to her as "Baby Cake." Cute.
Mark came and got us this morning and drove us all home. I had left him a small 5 item list of things that I needed him to get done during his week off from the twins, and not a single item got done. Instead he bitched about how he was still so tired even though he had a full week of pre-baby sleep. Whatever. The resentment builds and builds. Of course, he wasn't too tired to meet up with friends for dinner & drinks, go to happy hour several times, and catch a minor league baseball game with his best friend. But, apparently, asking him to spray the house with ant killer (that I had already bought and set out for him) while the babies and dogs are gone was entirely too much to ask. Ugh. [Sorry to bitch, but this really pisses me off...and I haven't slept much in the last 2 days.]
So now my complete focus is on preparing for our move into the new house. I need to book some movers and start packing. I guess I also need to find or buy us some boxes since that was on Mark's to-do list, but was not done.
Oh, and I think Carson may have an allergy to pet dander. Ever since we brought him home from the NICU he was been stuffy and congested. The entire time we were in Houston (in a dog-free house), he was completely cleared up. Hmm...
A few Houston pics are posted on our Flickr.
April 22, 2007
H-town
So it's off to Houston we go tomorrow morning. I am not especially looking forward to the drive, but maybe the twins will surprise me. We have family and friends coming over to see the twins almost every night we will be in town. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and having a little bit of down time. My mom is sending me to a day spa some time during the week. Have I mentioned how much I adore my mom lately?!
Mark and I were suppose to go to his law school reunion tonight, but we opted to be lazy bums at home instead. We are both tired, and I was stressing over what to wear. I still can't come anywhere close to wearing most of my pre-pregnant clothes....or at least not the bottoms. It would have been nice to get all "prettied-up" and rejoin society for one evening though. Oh well.
The new house got inspected on Friday. Everything looks good, and we got a thumbs up from the inspector. The house is less than 2 years old, so everything is still covered under the builder's warranty.
The new pad is a lot bigger than our current house. It's going to take me forever to furnish and decorate the new place, but that's okay. I'm really excited about it, but really not looking forward to another move. Moves are always a nightmare, and this time will be especially hellish because of the twins. I don't even have time to sleep or shower every day, so I don't know how I will pack us up (Mark is of absolutely NO use when it comes to packing).
Anyway, so I am taking a week off from blogging. I hope everyone has a good week!
April 20, 2007
April 19, 2007
Update & Whatnot
My mom is coming to pick me and the twins up on Saturday, and we will be in Houston all of next week. On the one hand I am looking forward to it because I will be able to show off the twins to all of our Houston folks, Mom will be a big help with the twins, and I need a change of scenery. But I am concerned about how well the twins will do in a new environment. I am also afraid I will forget to pack something crucial since I've become so non-functional lately.
We made an offer and two counteroffers on a house we really life. After being on the market for 67 days with no offers, the house we like is now in a mini bidding war. I truly don't need this kind of stress. We made our final offer, and at this point I don't care if it's accepted or not. I like the property, but not enough to get into a game of chicken with these folks. All of this just makes me miss work even more. I miss my old world of real estate. I will definitely be returning in August or September.
Mom-to-Mom...When can we start adding a little bit of rice at nighttime?
April 16, 2007
Mom-to-Mom: Sleeping in Shifts?
Tonight we tried an experiment and it did not work out as planned. For the first time since the twins have been home (a month ago now), Mark and I have been sleeping in shifts. This is what our routine has been...
He gets home from work at 5:30 PM. We eat dinner together, and then I go to bed at 8 PM. He watches the twins while I sleep until 12:00 AM. Then I get up and he goes to sleep. I try to get a few cat naps during the day, but that rarely works out well since one or the other twin is up. Then I go to sleep again at 8 PM, and on and on. Mark is getting 8 hours of sleep, and I am getting 4 hours. Many times he will get overwhelmed when both twins are crying at the same time, and then he will come get me during my 4-hour sleep session. Ugh.
Anyway, tonight we decided to try doing it the way I thought it would be like all along...
We ate dinner. We watched The Sopranos and Entourage. We gave the twins a bath and fed them. We put them down to sleep, and then we went to sleep. I figured I would have to get up once or maybe twice in the night for feedings, but that I would still be able to get several hours of consecutive sleep. I was wrong. I was very wrong.
The twins have been restless and hungry. We have not be able to keep them down for more than an hour at a stretch. UGH. So now we will both be exhausted, and I don't even have my nanny to look forward to on Tuesday. I had to cancel her for Tuesday morning because the twins have a morning appointment with a pedi eye doc (follow-up from NICU exam).
I guess the twins aren't ready yet, but I am definitely ready to a normal sleep pattern (i.e., sleeping in my bed with Mark during normal sleeping hours).
So how do ya'll do it? Does everyone with twins start out sleeping in shifts like this?
April 15, 2007
House Hunting
We love living in the heart of Austin, but we have outgrown our house. Besides, I hate that our current neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks and the schools are questionable. So, it's back out to the 'burbs again.
On Friday they received their first round of shots. They seem to be tolerating it well, but they have been more fretful at night....especially Kate.
Me and the twins will be in Houston for an entire week starting next weekend. Mark is going on a long business trip, and I will need some help. So it's mom to the rescue again. I have a lot of family and friends in Houston, and they are all wanting to meet the babies too. I was concerned about how they would do on a car trip like that, but after seeing how well they did yesterday I feel a little better about it.
April 13, 2007
Meet the Nanny...Seriously
Pulse check

I am still here. I am still alive (and the twins are too!). I am still exhausted. I am still adjusting to this new life and schedule (or lack thereof).
New nanny started yesterday. She will be here only two mornings a week. Details on that when I'm not one-handed typing.
Looking forward to today's pedi appointment...I get to leave the house (!!) and I can't wait to see how much weight the babies have packed on.
April 10, 2007
Improvement
April 8, 2007
Due Date
April 6, 2007
Possible Nanny Found...Yippee!
At Mark's law office, they have a day care (thanks to progressive female law partners!) that the twins will eventually be going to. However, since they are so preemie, the pedi doesn't want them to go there until they are about 8 months old. Anyway, there is a woman and her two adult daughters who run the day care at Mark's office. Mark talked to the older woman (the mom) about our situation at home and how we desperately need nanny help until the twins are old enough to go to the day care. (Knowing him, he probably told her his wife has become a bitchy basketcase and that *I* need help.) She showed a lot of interest in the gig. Since her daughters are pretty much running the day care on their own, she would love a nanny job during the week and especially in the mornings. She has a ton of experience, she's CPR certified, has a state license, etc.
This afternoon I am taking the twins up to his office in their Easter clothes for the office Easter egg hunt for the children of the employees. I will get to meet her and see if she will be a good fit for us then. I am so excited! I hope this works out.
Fingers crossed!
