A Good OB Appointment

Things went well at the OB's this morning. My blood pressure was good (132/81), I am still losing some water weight, and the babies looked active and happy on his crappy ultrasound machine. Baby A (the girl we are concerned about) was caught doing her practice breathing...which is excellent.

Hubby went into lawyer mode and asked him a ton of questions. Thankfully my OB put his mind at ease and answered all of his questions. He told us to pack our bag tonight just in case my peri doc throws in the towel tomorrow after the high-powered ultrasound. He predicted we would do the c-section next week.

But for now, he calmed me down and answered the questions I needed answered. I am also pleased that (for right now) I am still keeping the pre-eclampsia at bay...losing the water weight, good blood pressure, no additional protein in my urine, etc.

I don't know what came over me this morning, but I had this incredible urge to try to look good for the appointment. Throughout most of my pregnancy, I would get dressed up in one of my cute maternity outfits, do my hair and make-up, and basically make my doc appointments a social event (since I wasn't working, it was all I had). But over the past month or two, I was lucky if I showered before the appointments. I was just so swollen and miserable. I think they got used to seeing me like that because the doc and nurses made such a big deal over how good I looked today. I did the hair, make-up, cute outfit (one of the few I can still fit in), and even threw on some jewelry. I think it actually made a difference in how I felt.

So tomorrow is the all-important peri doc appointment. It's a bit scary to think this journey could (and most likely will be) be over tomorrow or sometime next week. Part of me is ready for it to be over with...to finally see these babies, to be a mom, to get the birth done with, to start recovery. But a bigger part of me wants to hold them in longer. To prove all the docs wrong. To give my babies some more crucial time to grow in the safe confines of my belly. The NICU time is going to be so hard on me. They keep assuring me everything will be fine, but Baby A isn't even 3 lbs yet! It's going to break my heart to see her like that. And what if everything isn't just fine? What if there are unexpected complications? An infection? Oh and I have selfish worries too...I am nervous about the spinal. I am nervous about the surgery. I am nervous about my recovery. I am nervous about the idea of staples holding me together. I am upset that I won't be able to immediately see the babies -- possibly for 12-24 hours -- due to my c-section and spinal. I hate that everyone under the sun is going to see my babies before I will. My first real look at them will be on the display screen of my digital camera!

Okay, I better stop...my good mood is fading. *Exhale*