Kate @ 3 months

Birth
3 months

The twins will be 3 months old on Saturday. Miss Kate has come a long way in those three months!

Weight: About 8 lbs. She still wearing Newborn size diapers, and the clothes are still too big for her.

Feedings: Usually about 3 oz every 3 hours. We are still working in stretching the feedings out to 3 hours though.

Favorites: Bath time, laying on my chest, her new swing, being held, cuddling with brother on the sofa

Least Favorites: Pacifier, excessively long car trips, having to wait more than one minute for her bottle, being put down when she's not ready

Issues: Tends to have a touch of reflux which requires a bit of Mylanta or else she may throw up

Personality: In the past few weeks I am seeing more changes in her. She is getting better at self-soothing, so there are less screaming fits. She is extremely sweet and happy when she's getting exactly what she wants, when she wants it. She is not the diva she once was though!

Areas to Work On: Stretching out her feedings and increasing her ounces. So far, she has shown no increase in either.

New Things: She is just now liking her Boppy pillow. She is also discovering the great outdoors like her brother. She sounds different...different sounds, coos, even a slightly different sounding cry.

Comparison: She is more visual than Carson. She can be distracted by music or other sounds. She is also starting to imitate me...like when I stick my tongue out at her, she will stick her tongue out too. Overall, she is more clingy and emotional (if that's possible in a baby) than her brother.

Randomness: I've never cut her fingernails before. She is doing much less chirping in her sleep now. She is no longer a noisy baby, and it happened overnight! She's never worn a bow before. In fact, I don't even own any bows or headbands for her.

My "Unwanted" Twins

Both of Nanny Mary's daughters resigned from the law firm's day care upon hearing that my twins would be joining the day care. Talk about not feeling welcome! The law partners are thrilled that it saved them the dirty task of firing them. Their last day is May 23rd. I feel uncomfortable now taking my twins to day care on Monday knowing they are so damn unwanted as to force two uneducated-no-other-options girls into quitting a ridiculously high paying with benefits baby-sitting gig. Mark says I am being stupid, but it's bothering me.

Stupid, silly girls. The twins are only going up there Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for about 3 hours per day....and I guarantee they would probably sleep the entire time. Grr.

Screw'em.

There are only 5 children (counting my twins) in the day care. My twins (3 months old), a 5-month old singleton baby, and 2 2-year olds. The babies and the toddlers are kept completely separate. I don't know much of anything about day care, but that seems like a good ratio to me. The firm had plans to hire a third person in June, so it would be 3 adults to 5 children. Oh and the receptionist is pregnant and due in August, so that would be an additional baby. That would make it a 2-to-1 ratio.

Blah, Blah, Blah. Not sure what to do about Monday though. Any thoughts?

The New Normal

• I think the REALLY rough adjustment period may be coming to an end. I am getting used to this new life with the twins. I have figured out how to sneak in naps, and they are pretty solid with the 3-hour feedings (no more every hour or two feedings). Kate is getting better and better at self-soothing, and her screaming fits are less frequent. Of course, I still have some pretty awful days. I am still horribly sleep deprived. I still miss my freedom....but I am also getting used to this new normal.
• The twins will be starting day care at Mark's firm on Monday. They will only be there half a day, and all of this is just a try out period. I am looking forward to it, but I know I will miss them terribly. There may be some days when I only drop off one of the twins and have some one-on-one time with the other. I feel like I need to cuddle with Carson more. He is always giving up his mommy time due to his demanding sister.
• I know I vowed not to talk smack about Nanny Mary, but it just not working out with her. She is trying to drag Mark and I into a staffing drama at Mark's day care (remember her daughters run it). It has turned into a big mess, and she has been trying to bully me and guilt me into not taking them to day care. She has managed to piss off the law partners, and everything is tense. When I told her that I need to return to work and cited the fact that we spend $600 a month on formula, she said, "Well, if you used your breasts the way God intended you wouldn't have that problem, now would you?" And with that I said bye-bye to Nanny Mary and hello to part-time day care.
• We are having some other major drama in our house buying situation...appraisal issues to be exact. We are scheduled to close a week from today, and now I am not even sure if this deal will hold together. *Sigh* We are waiting to hear. I hate all of this 11th hour crap.
• I did my blood work today. I will hopefully hear something soon as to what may be revealed with that. Since my doc doubled my diabetes meds, I feel 100% better. Whew! I just hope there isn't something more serious at work here.

Pedi Appointment: 3 Months Old

KATE
Birth (2/12)...2 lbs, 11 oz.; 16.25 inches
NICU Discharge (3/15)...4 lbs, 4 oz.
3/20...4 lbs, 8 oz.
3/30...4 lbs, 14 oz.
4/13...6 lbs, 3 oz.; 18.5 inches
5/7...7 lbs, 11 oz.; 21 inches

CARSON
Birth (2/12)...4 lbs, 4 oz.; 17.5 inches
NICU Discharge (3/15)...5 lbs, 13 oz.
3/20...6 lbs, 2 oz.
3/30...6 lbs, 13 oz.
4/13...8 lbs, 0 oz.; 21 inches
5/7...10 lbs, 0 oz. (I forgot his height!!) :(

Carson is now off of the preemie growth chart and on the regular (full-term) chart. He has pretty much caught up with his full-term singleton counterparts...almost.

They had their big toes pricked to test their blood's iron levels. Kate, of course, has a massive meltdown, and Carson hardly even noticed what had happened.

Health Update...Still Recovering

The one thing I don't talk much about on my blog is my health. This posting is an exception. I am posting this because I know there are other pregnant-with-twins women who read this, and who knows about the lurking population. Maybe this will help someone else out there in the blogosphere. I sure am happy to find out why I've been sweating like a whore in church...

I think everyone knows I am a diabetic. I was a "mild" diabetic before becoming pregnant, and then it got very bad during my pregnancy. I was taking an ass-load of insulin injections (no pun intended) and all that other fun stuff. I also think everyone knows that I had pre-eclampsia -- which resulted in my twins being born at 32 weeks -- and I was put on hospital bed rest and given the two powerful steroid shots to quickly develop my twins' lung before birth.

Immediately after birth, my glucose numbers were great again. The last time I took an insulin shot was the night before I gave birth. Since then I have been on 1000 mg of Metformin per day. My numbers remained good...until 2 weeks ago. Now my numbers are sky high (i.e., morning fasting reading was 192!). My feet were becoming more and more numb. My blood pressure wasn't coming down like it should have after birth. Oh, and since the steroid shots in the hospital I have been having severe hot flashes....especially at night.

So, in a nut shell, my body is falling apart. On top of the sleep deprivation and all the other adjustments to life with twins, I felt like shit. I knew in my gut something was very wrong, but I was just too stressed, tired and busy to do much about it.

I finally went into the doctor (endocrinologist) on Friday. My blood pressure was finally good (118/78), but I had mysteriously gained 14 lbs in a month! (I had originally lost all of my pregnancy weight in the 12 days post-birth.) I am doing lab work on Tuesday because there are signs of possible kidney and/or liver damage (weight gain, not urinating often, etc.). He explained that it could take 6-9 months post-birth for my body to recover from the pre-eclampsia and steroid shots. The steroid shots could have a longer impact on me than I could have imagined. He said the dosage I was given since I was carrying twins was massive. Insulin is a natural hormone in the body, so my diabetes is also being affected by the steroid shots...as are the damn hot flashes. AND, I still have not gotten my first post-birth period...even though I gave birth almost 3 months ago, and stopped breastfeeding 2 1/2 months ago (translation: hormone issues).

I am mentioning all of this because a lot of mommy bloggers don't talk a lot about the post-birth physical recovering. I thought the hot flashes, weight gain, etc. were just further evidence that I was going crazy during the adjustment period.

So if any of the new moms out there had the steroid shots, don't be surprised if you find yourself sweating all the time, having high blood sugar numbers or having period issues. Those shots probably saved my twins' lives so I have NO REGRETS on getting it -- obviously -- but I just wish I would have been told to expect some of the crap I have been feeling lately.

Anyway, just a heads up.

Indoctrination begins early...

The University of Texas' future Class of 2029!

It's Pitty Party Time...Woo Hoo

Before babies (taken late April 2006). Umm, this photo is more "suggestive" than intended. Mark took it because I wanted to show one of my girlfriends that I finally found a place that waxed my brows to my liking. Anyway, notice how I have a jawline? Make-up on? Clean straight hair? Some evidence of playfulness and life?

Current (taken in Houston last week with Kate). Glasses, much fatter face, wild looking brows, out-of-control hair...looking and feeling like I had just been hit my a truck. Well, at least I had on some lip gloss.

I have been feeling a lot better this week thanks in part to Nanny Mary and being able to sleep between nighttime feedings (the twins are holding strong at 3 hours between chow times). But I still feel pretty yuck. I don't think I have ever felt or looked so horrible in my entire life. I've noticed that I am now wearing the official "mom attire" all the time now....yoga pants (they are comfy and fit), over-sized t-shirt (to hide my post-pregnant-with-twins-flabby-gut) with formula stains on the left shoulder thanks to spit up, no make-up (and I look really shitty with no make-up), air-dried hair pulled back in a bun (i.e., frizzy, style-less, but grateful I at least got to shower), flip-flops (but no pedicure), and glasses (instead of my contacts).

Before I had the babies, I remember seeing women wearing the mom attire in the grocery store and thinking to myself, 'Wow, she needs a day off.' Of course, at that time I was probably standing in the express lane with a 12-pack of Diet Coke in one arm, talking to a client on my cell phone, and trying to get to a sales meeting ASAP...all polished, clean, well-rested, and put together....and stupidly thinking I needed the day off!

My how things can change in a year. Despite all of my bitching, it's been a good change though. I can't imagine my life without the twins now. On those rare days I actually get to leave the house to run errands, I miss the babies the whole time. They are growing fast now. They are starting to sleep longer and be more expressive. I am trying to find a way to incorporate a few small elements of my former life before babies into my new life with the babies. Not sure how or what just yet...but getting my fat ass to the gym a few times a week and getting a hair-cut are pretty high on my list right now.

I Heart My Nanny

I vow right here and now to never talk smack about my nanny again. The woman is a miracle worker and -- more importantly -- I NEED her! God Bless Nanny Mary!

I don't need anti-depressants. I need sleep!

Nanny Mary came over at 9 AM and stayed until 3 PM. I slept from 9 AM until 1 PM, and then took an hour drive just to get some fresh hair. I feel like a new person. I feel like my old self again.

I don't know what she does to them, but every time she comes they are good the rest of the day for me. We talked a lot about putting them on a schedule and stretching out the time between feedings. I am also going to have her come an extra day during the week, and extending some of her normal time here.

Bottom line: I don't care what she costs anymore because my health, my sanity, and my marriage are worth a lot more than $15 per hour.

I just thought I would post something positive for a change. I know some of you were worried I was about to drop the twins off at the nearest fire station or something. :)

Oh -- brace yourself -- Kate slept from 7:45 PM to 2 AM last night!! She got up at 2 AM, I fed her, she went right back to bed. I couldn't believe it! I hope it wasn't a fluke.

Illogical Ramblings...and too tired to care

I think my husband is on the brink of doing some kind of intervention on me. The last two days have been tough on me, but what's new at this point. I am starting to sound like a broken record. I truly think this level of exhaustion that I have been experiencing for 7 weeks now is making me lose my mind. There was a lot of discussion between Mark and I about the possibility of starting the twins in day care soon. On a very limited part-time basis (like 2 mornings a week). This, of course, led to massive guilt on my part and that led to half a day of crying. It seems that as soon as I start to think I really need to call my OB and have him put me on anti-depressants, I finally get 3+ hours of consecutive sleep and I wake up feeling like a new person. Mark has been great the past few days. I think he finally pulled his head out of his ass and realized how lucky he was to have a week off from the babies. And I think he is worried his wife is going insane, and if that happened he would really be screwed. Whatever his motivation, he has been a lot better.

I read a great line yesterday that sums up how I am feeling about motherhood right now..."I'm straddling the line between Donna Reed and Joan Crawford."

I had a long phone chat with my pedi's nurse....mostly about how Kate is driving us crazy and we are worried that something is wrong with her. We also discussed the possibility of part-time day care. We don't think she has acid reflux or colic. She is just fussy. Period. She also told us that if Kate wants me to hold her, then I need to hold her. Babies are establishing trust right now and that is based on their needs being met. I can't spoil Kate at this age by holding her all the time, but I can do damage by not filling her needs (i.e., being held). This is something Mark needed to hear because he is still stuck on this "don't spoil the babies" crap, but it doesn't address the fact that I can't and don't want to hold Kate 24/7. (Oh, and I tried using a sling with Kate today...she hated it. She wants to be vertical on my chest.)

I am going to hold off on day care as long as I can and try to get my Nanny here more often...even though she is expensive. But I also refuse to feel guilty about it either. The same family members who aren't offering to help me out are the same ones making feel guilty about part-time day care. I don't know why this has been bothering me so much lately. I've never been the type to give a damn what people have thought about me or any of my decisions, so I don't know why I would care now...but I have been. I've also decided to not be stupid and try to do this move into the new house on my own. We are hiring movers to pack us and move us. It's worth the price to me. The idea that I don't have to pack up our entire house on my own has taken a HUGE stress weight off my shoulders.

In other news...we may move our closing date on the new house up a week to May 11th. The sellers are wanting that, and it doesn't matter to us either way. We should find out tomorrow.

First Houston Trip

Well, we are back.

It wasn't exactly the "vacation" it was billed to be, but I had an okay time. The change of scenery was definitely good, and it was nice seeing other family members. The spa day did not happen. In fact I only left the house twice the entire week...once to go to Office Max to fax some time-sensitive docs to my mortgage broker and then over to my step-brother's house.

The twins did remarkably well on the car trip. We made a stop halfway for a feeding and changing, but other than that they slept the whole time. Once we got to my mom's, we had a tough day and a half adjustment. They must have known they were in a new environment, and they were extremely fussy....especially Kate, but what's new.

Actually, Kate was a nightmare for pretty much the entire trip. I did not realize a 2 month old baby was capable of doing this, but she only wants me to hold her and hold her ALL of the time. There is no way I can just let her cry it out either because she has the most angry/rageful cry I have ever heard. I am seriously afraid she will pass out if I let her go with it. Kate's new clinginess is draining on me, and I don't know what to do about it. If she isn't eating or sleeping, she is crying for me. Bath time is a rare moment of contentment for her (and me!).

Yesterday, we went over to my step-brother's house. I got to meet his 4-month old baby Adam for the first time, and do some catch-up with his oldest child Ryan. Ryan, who is 2 1/2, was so sweet to the twins. He could not correctly pronounce Kate's name so he called her "Cake." All afternoon he referred to her as "Baby Cake." Cute.

Mark came and got us this morning and drove us all home. I had left him a small 5 item list of things that I needed him to get done during his week off from the twins, and not a single item got done. Instead he bitched about how he was still so tired even though he had a full week of pre-baby sleep. Whatever. The resentment builds and builds. Of course, he wasn't too tired to meet up with friends for dinner & drinks, go to happy hour several times, and catch a minor league baseball game with his best friend. But, apparently, asking him to spray the house with ant killer (that I had already bought and set out for him) while the babies and dogs are gone was entirely too much to ask. Ugh. [Sorry to bitch, but this really pisses me off...and I haven't slept much in the last 2 days.]

So now my complete focus is on preparing for our move into the new house. I need to book some movers and start packing. I guess I also need to find or buy us some boxes since that was on Mark's to-do list, but was not done.

Oh, and I think Carson may have an allergy to pet dander. Ever since we brought him home from the NICU he was been stuffy and congested. The entire time we were in Houston (in a dog-free house), he was completely cleared up. Hmm...

A few Houston pics are posted on our Flickr.