Rationalizing my irrational rants...

I strongly felt the need to post this...

I am not a psychopath! :) I am generally not a moody, emotional, angry person...even though my posts for the past month or so would indicate otherwise. I suppose I just vent out all my anger on my blog so I can put a smile on my face and go about another grueling day at the NICU.

In all honesty, I have a lot to be thankful for. Some of the babies in the NICU are really bad off. I don't know how those parents handle it. My babies are not sick or struggling. They were born too early, they are stable, and they are only there to grow a little bit more. We could be in a much more horrible situation.

Kate finally hit the 3 lbs mark today. Yippee! That's a big milestone for her. Carson is 2 oz short of hitting the 5 lbs mark, and he will probably make that this weekend. Neither were at all interested in bottle feeding again today. Grr! They take a few sucks and then they look at me in such a way that I would swear it had become a battle of wills. If it wasn't so irritating, it would be funny.

I had to call my OB again this afternoon and personally begged him to prescribe a drug they told me about in the NICU. It is to stimulate and promote milk production, and this is my final attempt at it. He called in the meds but did not give me a very big supply. I take it he doesn't have much faith in it, but I am desperate. (I hope he got a good laugh at my 'Oh please make them work. They have to be more than just decorative, right? I want to be a Jersey milking cow!' pleas.)

I don't know what the deal is with my boobs! It has become so frustrating because I am doing everything the I was told to do...drinking a ton of water, getting good sleep, and most importantly, I am pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock for 15 minutes each session. Frankly, it's a pain in the ass, but it would all be worth it if I was producing more than a tablespoon or so at every session.