I am so ready to hijack the twins out of the hospital! I am getting a little frustrated that Mr. Carson isn't taking to the bottle like I want him to. That is what is keeping him in there. I know bottle feeding is a learned task and that he just needs to mature a little more. The nurses tell me that one day a light switch will go off in his head and he will feed like a champ...but that it could also be weeks away before that happens. The neo doc told me yesterday that he thinks Carson could stay in the hospital for another 2-3 weeks, and Kate will be in there much longer than that just because of the weight she still needs to gain. A week ago, he told me 2-3 weeks before one of them comes home, and now he is extending that time frame. I was torn between wanting to cry and wanting to hit him...him being the neo doc, not Carson.
Perhaps 2-3 weeks doesn't sound that long to someone who hasn't had babies in the ICU, but trust me...it's an eternity! This NICU experience has been one of the toughest things I've ever had to deal with. It is such an incredibly unnatural way to start motherhood.
And I am so sick of people telling me that this is a good thing because it allows me to recover from my c-section and get plenty of rest before they come home. Gimme a break! It's damn near impossible to "rest" when you have babies in the ICU. Also, I was recovered from my surgery before I was even discharged from the hospital. I don't need a month or two to bounce back from that. I am also sick of people calling the NICU my "expensive babysitters." That implies that I want them there.
I hate, hate, hate this! I feel like I am missing out on things. I go up to visit them and the first things the nurses tell me is Kate did this, Carson did that, etc.
I'm just frustrated and desperately missing my babies. I am ready for this chapter to be over with. Now.
Oh, and it hasn't escaped my notice that today is March 1st. Today was my big goal day. Today was the day I focused on throughout my entire pregnancy as the day I desperately needed to hold them in to. I still don't think I'm over the fact that they were born so early. I think as long as I am visiting them in the hospital I will always have it stuck in my head that they are there because they came so early.
3 comments:
I just started reading your blog, but I have to check in on you and the babies progress daily! I don't have kids, but I can image how frustrating it must be to have to visit them in the NICU. Hang in there, hopefully they will be home very soon!
I know that was your goal day, but now you will just have to pick a new goal day that you will have 1 if not both of your babies home with you. I will think good thoughts for Kate and Carson.
I can only imagine how hard it is to have your babies there and to leave them. I hope that they are able to come home sooner than what the doctors are saying so you can be with your babies at home.
Hang in there- I hope they can come home very soon!
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