Alright, I don't know what has come over me in the last day, but I have been highly emotional again. I feel like I have just barely drifted through today without crying, and I wish I had a rational reason for it.
Like everything else, I assume it's the high pregnancy hormones. My boobs have been sore and hurting again, which is always an indication of an increase in hormone levels. I hope it is hormones or else I might be going insane.
I have been thinking a lot about the twins today. Day-dreaming about them and what the near future will be like. I wonder how long I will sustain that rose-colored day dream after a few sleepless night with crying infants. Oh but it doesn't matter...I just want to get them here healthy and perfect. I don't know how it is possible to love something you've never seen or held but only felt (literally), but it seems to be true for me.
When I was younger, I was always worried about what kind of mother I would be one day. Would I have that maternal instinct I had always heard about? Would I be affectionate and love them more than I love myself? I don't question those things anymore. I know the answer.
I feel like I already have a bond with my daughter. She is "Baby A"...the one closest to my cervix and the one constantly kicking and moving. I know her schedule. I know she is a chow-hound because she always gets active 30 minutes to an hour after I eat. I know that if I sit straight up for too long she will get uncomfortable and start kicking. When I tell Hubby about her movements, I refer to her by name.
I don't seem to have that with my son..."Baby B." According to all the ultrasounds, he is the larger baby and is located pretty high up (way above my bellybutton). I don't know why I don't feel him move as much given his size and how active he looks on the ultrasounds. On the rare occasion that I do feel movement above my bellybutton, I get incredibly happy.
I think I need to just retire to a long, hot shower. Get all these tears out of my system -- nothing like a good cry in the shower, eh? -- and try to get to sleep...even though I am not sleepy.
According to my twin countdown clock...63 days left until March 1st.
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