- Sleeping for 2 hours over the past 24 hours.
- Carson having colic from 2 to 4 AM. Nothing I do seems to soothe his screaming.
- I got into a major fight with my bossy, nagging, controlling mother. That resulted in her crying most of the day and a household full of I'm-not-speaking-to-you tension. I want her gone. I love her, but there is room for only one Queen Bee in my house.
- Breaking down in the OB's lobby today. Crying and crying. Everyone looked at me like I was totally pathetic, and I didn't give a shit. Then right as the OB was going to see me, he had to walk across the street for an emergency delivery. So I left. I wasn't going to wait for him and that pissed off his nurses. I don't have 3 hours of my day to devote to waiting on anyone. I re-scheduled for Thursday morning. Oh, and my blood pressure was sky high. Looks like my pre-eclampsia is still around and a trip to a cardiologist is in my near future. Great.
- I'm still having trouble finding a good nanny service. Calls and emails don't get returned when I call and place inquires. Finding a good nanny who will allow me to get 4 hours of sleep per day may be the only thing that saves me physically and emotionally right now.
- And, finally, being married to a husband who never asks about my day. He came in from work and started yapping away about his crap. I listened and showed interest in his stuff. Then he spends the rest of the evening acting irritated with me...even on a day when I so obviously needed a hug. He never asked about my OB appointment or what was going on with my mom. I don't think I can be married to someone who can't at least ask, "How was your day?" He doesn't ask because he thinks I have a cushy life just napping all day and playing with cute babies.
When does your first period happen after a c-section? Either I am depressed (isn't it too late for PPD?) or I am experiencing the worst case of psychotic PMS on record. It's been 6 weeks since the birth, so I am wondering when the dreaded period will re-appear.
7 comments:
Oh, hon. I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. It's not too late for PPD, and you should definitely mention it to the OB when you finally see him. But also, extreme sleep deprivation can manifest as depression. And you're definitely sleep deprived!
Here's hoping the nanny-hunt works out for you soon so you can get some sleep.
Oh, one more thing. You should read (I know, in your spare time) Moxie's advice on PPD (esp consider taking Flax Oil - I can totally feel the difference when I forget to take mine).
Oh, I am so sorry. It is really not too late for PPD - I didn't get mine diagnosed until 6 months. Twin mothers are much more likely to develop PPD because we are more overwhelmed and getting less sleep than women who have one at a time. So, I agree with Cass that you should mention that to your OB. Zoloft saved me.
I did a search on dona for you and found the names of 2 post-partum doulas in Austin (which is where you say you live - I swear I'm not stalking you.) Maybe one of these will work out.
Austin - TX
Ryka George
(512)527-8684
ryka@themotheringway.com
Birth Doula
Postpartum Doula
Austin - TX
Cindy Hodges
(512)670-9090
cindy.hodges@sbcglobal.net
Birth Doula
Postpartum Doula
This link may also help you find some help: http://www.themotheringway.com/
Your mother needs to leave. You don't have the resources to manage a problem relationship right now. Easier said than done, I know.
As for your husband, if you aren't breastfeeding, leave him with the babies all day on the weekend. I guarantee that will change his tune about how "easy" your life is. In a less passive-agressive way, I'll pass on the advice of our marriage therapist, who reminded us that you need to tell your partner what you need. If you need him to ask about your day, tell him, "I am pretty overwhelmed right now, but it would help if you would ask about my day."
GOOD LUCK. IT GETS BETTER!!!!!
Part of the problem with the nanny situation is they are not interested in helping me as soon as they ask what my husband does for a living. His an attorney, and that has scared off 3 potential nannies so far. Everyone is so afraid of being sued. The ironic part is that he hates law suits. We have never personally sued anyone before, and as long as you don’t harm, kill, abuse, or neglect my babies while in your care you don’t need to worry about being sued. I am at the point of telling people my husband is an engineer or a CPA…or anything other than a lawyer.
I am not sure on the PPD. When I do manage to get good (i.e., at least 3 consecutive hours) sleep, I feel great. I don’t really feel depressed. I feel physically exhausted. That’s why I think once I get a nanny on board all things will be fixed.
As for Mark, well he is in the dog house. I did talk to him last night about never showing interest in my day. His defense was that he “works all day” (as if I don’t!) and that he does call a few times during the day to see how the babies are doing. That’s the thing though…he asks about the babies, not me. It amazes me that he doesn’t even notice that his wife is about to physically and emotionally fall apart (and it’s very obvious…I don’t put on a front). I made him do night duty last night. So he got to hold a colicky baby until 6 AM with no sleep. I hope the message sunk in with him because I need his help. I want to feel like we are on the same team.
Things will get a lot better when: (1) my mom leaves (which she is leaving today to go visit my grandfather in San Antonio for a few days), (2) I get a nanny and therefore get to sleep some, and (3) Mark’s damn trial settles or otherwise gets resolved. Then he can be home more, be less distracted, and help me.
If I don’t hear anything from the nanny feelers I put out yesterday I will definitely look at the folks you suggested. Thanks for the names and advice!
I'm so sorry this is such a difficult time. I remember feeling so run down and exhausted at times in those first couple of months and not knowing how I could continue. I don't think I had PPD, "just" exhaustion and adjustment. But everyone has different experiences. It's hard to imagine now, but I promise, it does get easier. I really hope you find a nanny (preferably one who is willing to help with laundry, dishes, etc.) because I can't imagine having been home alone every day like you are/will be. That will definitely help, for sleep, companionship, etc.
I am so sorry you are having a rough time. You really do need all the support you can get. I hope you are able to find a nanny soon and hopefully, your husband will understand soon just what you are going through.
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