To my great delight and amusement, Texas Monthly magazine’s 2007 Bum Steer Awards edition finally arrived in the mail a few days ago. Here’s a small sampling of some of my favorites.
You know it’s going to be a good year for Bum Steers when 61% of the people vote against the governor’s reelection and he wins anyway. When Kinky Friedman asks, “How hard could it be?” – and finds out. When Tom DeLay steps down as U.S. House majority leader, resigns from Congress, and hands his district to a Democrat he had redistricted into oblivion in 2004. When DeLay’s temporary replacement, Shelley Sekula-Gibs, runs off his holdover staff with a temper tantrum and runs her chance to win the seat in 2008 into the ground. When George W. Bush contributes “thumpin’” to the political lexicon. When the Longhorns beat Southern Cal for the national championship but can’t beat Kansas State or Texas A&M. When the Spurs can’t beat the Mavs, the Mavs can’t beat the Heat, and the Rockets can’t beat anybody. When Bobby Knight is shown on national television slapping a player – image that – and Drew Bledsoe, who began the season as the Dallas Cowboys’ starting quarterback, plays like he could use a good slap. But non of these antiheroes measure up to the man we’re here to honor. A politician and a sportsman. A man who’s a real blast to go hunting with, who this year gave the country (and his friend Harry Whittington) a shot in the arm, among other places. He may be number two in the White House, but to us he’ll always be number one with a bullet. Or a pellet. Come out from that undisclosed locations, Dick Cheney. You’re our Bum Steer of the Year.
What’s Black and White and Red-Faced All Over?
A referee called a technical foul on Tom Penders when the University of Houston basketball coach collapsed to the floor after his team was called for a foul, because he thought Penders was showing him up. Even though Penders, who wears a pacemaker, was carried off on a stretcher and treated by EMT’s for dizziness, the referee refused to rescind the technical foul.
We’ll Drink to That
In an annual survey by the Princeton Review, the University of Texas at Austin was ranked the nation’s number one party school.
We’ll Take “Irony is not dead” for $200, Alex
President Bush’s education secretary, Margaret Spellings, was beaten on Celebrity Jeopardy! by the actor who played Lenny on Laverne and Shirley.
If we can’t be first, we’d rather be sixth, that way, we’d have a fifth in front of us
Austin ranked fifth on a list of “America’s Drunkest Cities” compiled by Forbes.com.
If Jesus is really your co-pilot, why are you flying commercial?
Pastor Joel Osteen, of Lakewood Church in Houston, as his wife, Victoria, were kicked off a Continental Airlines flight after a dispute with a flight attendant caused Mrs. Osteen to allegedly push an airline staffer and attempt to get into the cockpit.
You know it’s going to be a good year for Bum Steers when 61% of the people vote against the governor’s reelection and he wins anyway. When Kinky Friedman asks, “How hard could it be?” – and finds out. When Tom DeLay steps down as U.S. House majority leader, resigns from Congress, and hands his district to a Democrat he had redistricted into oblivion in 2004. When DeLay’s temporary replacement, Shelley Sekula-Gibs, runs off his holdover staff with a temper tantrum and runs her chance to win the seat in 2008 into the ground. When George W. Bush contributes “thumpin’” to the political lexicon. When the Longhorns beat Southern Cal for the national championship but can’t beat Kansas State or Texas A&M. When the Spurs can’t beat the Mavs, the Mavs can’t beat the Heat, and the Rockets can’t beat anybody. When Bobby Knight is shown on national television slapping a player – image that – and Drew Bledsoe, who began the season as the Dallas Cowboys’ starting quarterback, plays like he could use a good slap. But non of these antiheroes measure up to the man we’re here to honor. A politician and a sportsman. A man who’s a real blast to go hunting with, who this year gave the country (and his friend Harry Whittington) a shot in the arm, among other places. He may be number two in the White House, but to us he’ll always be number one with a bullet. Or a pellet. Come out from that undisclosed locations, Dick Cheney. You’re our Bum Steer of the Year.
What’s Black and White and Red-Faced All Over?
A referee called a technical foul on Tom Penders when the University of Houston basketball coach collapsed to the floor after his team was called for a foul, because he thought Penders was showing him up. Even though Penders, who wears a pacemaker, was carried off on a stretcher and treated by EMT’s for dizziness, the referee refused to rescind the technical foul.
We’ll Drink to That
In an annual survey by the Princeton Review, the University of Texas at Austin was ranked the nation’s number one party school.
We’ll Take “Irony is not dead” for $200, Alex
President Bush’s education secretary, Margaret Spellings, was beaten on Celebrity Jeopardy! by the actor who played Lenny on Laverne and Shirley.
If we can’t be first, we’d rather be sixth, that way, we’d have a fifth in front of us
Austin ranked fifth on a list of “America’s Drunkest Cities” compiled by Forbes.com.
If Jesus is really your co-pilot, why are you flying commercial?
Pastor Joel Osteen, of Lakewood Church in Houston, as his wife, Victoria, were kicked off a Continental Airlines flight after a dispute with a flight attendant caused Mrs. Osteen to allegedly push an airline staffer and attempt to get into the cockpit.
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