It's 2 AM and I can't sleep. I am exhausted, but I can't get my mind settled down enough to fall off to lala land. So, I thought I would hop on here and ramble out some more pointless crap.
To be honest, I have nothing remotely interesting going through my head. Let's see...I have essentially done everything possible not to actually work this week. I feel burned out. I am sick of drumming up business constantly. It's draining me both physically and financially. Of course, it's so liberating to be self-employed, to be my own boss, and all that other jazz...but this week I almost wish I had a "normal" job. The kind of job where I just show up and work is magically sitting on my desk. But then as soon as that thought pops into my head I am instantly reminded that a job like that means I would be working to make someone else richer, and there is something in my blood that prevents me from doing that. My mindset on this just adds to the question that has haunted me since I was a kid, 'How did I come from this family?' My mom lives in Houston and has spent the better part of 30 years as an executive for a large oil company. So, not only is she a corporate slave/whore but also works for the fattest of all fat cats...BIG OIL. Everyone in my family is either a corporate whore or a school teacher. I am the only one in business for myself in the whole bunch. If it wasn't for the fact that I look like a clone of my dad, I would swear I must have been adopted.
Ahh, now here is a stupid whiney topic for you...
I went and got a mani/pedi today. As much as I enjoy the end results, I feel so uncomfortable while having it done. I wish I could accurately explain why I feel so weird about it. My mom and friends think I am nuts. I hate sitting in that big vibrating (well, okay, the vibrating part is damn nice!) chair while some small, middle aged Asian woman tends to my feet. I feel like some pampered asshole. Some rich lazy bitch. And yes yes, I know they are doing a job and I am paying them for it, but I just can't shake that feeling. I felt the same way the one and only time I hired some people out of the Greensheets to work on the yard. My guilt is so bad that with both the nail folks and the yard folks I double paid them (tip = service)! And I KNOW that's crazy, but I can't help it. Fuck, am I really this much of a bleeding-heart liberal? What the hell is wrong with me? I need something done, they want to work to earn money. It's all economics, I know. To make the issue more fucked up, hubby thinks it has something to do with the fact that they are minorities. He pointed out the fact that I have no hesitation or "guilt" with barking orders at the 20-year old white college guys who clean our pool every Tuesday. Someone please psycho analyze this situation for me. Or at least tell me if I am a damn headcase!
Oh, yes, the Kinky thing. Hubby (and some folks from his firm) are going to a conference on education reform and school law issues on Saturday up in Round Rock. Kinky Friedman is a speaker and will be attending the luncheon as well. So hubby snagged me a ticket. I would love to bend his ear for a few minutes and get some clarifcation from him on some topics that he has been rather hazy on. Of course, I seriously doubt I will be able to do that, so I am hell-bent on at least getting a photo with him.
To be honest, I have nothing remotely interesting going through my head. Let's see...I have essentially done everything possible not to actually work this week. I feel burned out. I am sick of drumming up business constantly. It's draining me both physically and financially. Of course, it's so liberating to be self-employed, to be my own boss, and all that other jazz...but this week I almost wish I had a "normal" job. The kind of job where I just show up and work is magically sitting on my desk. But then as soon as that thought pops into my head I am instantly reminded that a job like that means I would be working to make someone else richer, and there is something in my blood that prevents me from doing that. My mindset on this just adds to the question that has haunted me since I was a kid, 'How did I come from this family?' My mom lives in Houston and has spent the better part of 30 years as an executive for a large oil company. So, not only is she a corporate slave/whore but also works for the fattest of all fat cats...BIG OIL. Everyone in my family is either a corporate whore or a school teacher. I am the only one in business for myself in the whole bunch. If it wasn't for the fact that I look like a clone of my dad, I would swear I must have been adopted.
Ahh, now here is a stupid whiney topic for you...
I went and got a mani/pedi today. As much as I enjoy the end results, I feel so uncomfortable while having it done. I wish I could accurately explain why I feel so weird about it. My mom and friends think I am nuts. I hate sitting in that big vibrating (well, okay, the vibrating part is damn nice!) chair while some small, middle aged Asian woman tends to my feet. I feel like some pampered asshole. Some rich lazy bitch. And yes yes, I know they are doing a job and I am paying them for it, but I just can't shake that feeling. I felt the same way the one and only time I hired some people out of the Greensheets to work on the yard. My guilt is so bad that with both the nail folks and the yard folks I double paid them (tip = service)! And I KNOW that's crazy, but I can't help it. Fuck, am I really this much of a bleeding-heart liberal? What the hell is wrong with me? I need something done, they want to work to earn money. It's all economics, I know. To make the issue more fucked up, hubby thinks it has something to do with the fact that they are minorities. He pointed out the fact that I have no hesitation or "guilt" with barking orders at the 20-year old white college guys who clean our pool every Tuesday. Someone please psycho analyze this situation for me. Or at least tell me if I am a damn headcase!
Oh, yes, the Kinky thing. Hubby (and some folks from his firm) are going to a conference on education reform and school law issues on Saturday up in Round Rock. Kinky Friedman is a speaker and will be attending the luncheon as well. So hubby snagged me a ticket. I would love to bend his ear for a few minutes and get some clarifcation from him on some topics that he has been rather hazy on. Of course, I seriously doubt I will be able to do that, so I am hell-bent on at least getting a photo with him.
Well, I am off to make another attempt at sleep. Folks, send me some comments. I need feedback or else I am going to starting thinking I am just talking to myself. G'Night.
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