First Houston Trip

Well, we are back.

It wasn't exactly the "vacation" it was billed to be, but I had an okay time. The change of scenery was definitely good, and it was nice seeing other family members. The spa day did not happen. In fact I only left the house twice the entire week...once to go to Office Max to fax some time-sensitive docs to my mortgage broker and then over to my step-brother's house.

The twins did remarkably well on the car trip. We made a stop halfway for a feeding and changing, but other than that they slept the whole time. Once we got to my mom's, we had a tough day and a half adjustment. They must have known they were in a new environment, and they were extremely fussy....especially Kate, but what's new.

Actually, Kate was a nightmare for pretty much the entire trip. I did not realize a 2 month old baby was capable of doing this, but she only wants me to hold her and hold her ALL of the time. There is no way I can just let her cry it out either because she has the most angry/rageful cry I have ever heard. I am seriously afraid she will pass out if I let her go with it. Kate's new clinginess is draining on me, and I don't know what to do about it. If she isn't eating or sleeping, she is crying for me. Bath time is a rare moment of contentment for her (and me!).

Yesterday, we went over to my step-brother's house. I got to meet his 4-month old baby Adam for the first time, and do some catch-up with his oldest child Ryan. Ryan, who is 2 1/2, was so sweet to the twins. He could not correctly pronounce Kate's name so he called her "Cake." All afternoon he referred to her as "Baby Cake." Cute.

Mark came and got us this morning and drove us all home. I had left him a small 5 item list of things that I needed him to get done during his week off from the twins, and not a single item got done. Instead he bitched about how he was still so tired even though he had a full week of pre-baby sleep. Whatever. The resentment builds and builds. Of course, he wasn't too tired to meet up with friends for dinner & drinks, go to happy hour several times, and catch a minor league baseball game with his best friend. But, apparently, asking him to spray the house with ant killer (that I had already bought and set out for him) while the babies and dogs are gone was entirely too much to ask. Ugh. [Sorry to bitch, but this really pisses me off...and I haven't slept much in the last 2 days.]

So now my complete focus is on preparing for our move into the new house. I need to book some movers and start packing. I guess I also need to find or buy us some boxes since that was on Mark's to-do list, but was not done.

Oh, and I think Carson may have an allergy to pet dander. Ever since we brought him home from the NICU he was been stuffy and congested. The entire time we were in Houston (in a dog-free house), he was completely cleared up. Hmm...

A few Houston pics are posted on our Flickr.

H-town

My mom came in from Houston this morning...which is a good thing because I was about to go nuts...again. Mark hasn't been much help this week because he says he is so exhausted. So that means that I have been functioning on hardly any sleep, and that has caused problems in our household. He isn't sick. He isn't busy at work. This is has been a major source of irritation (to say the least) in my world lately. When mom arrived, I took a 5 hour nap and woke up feeling like a new person. I am going to wear myself into the ground if I don't start getting more sleep on a regular basis. I had no idea exhaustion like this even existed. What's more frustrating to me is that all of the other twin blogs I read...well, the moms don't seem to be going through all of this like I am. Everything is rosy sunshine complete with lots of people who are helping out. I feel like a single parent on most days, and it's physically and mentally killing me.

So it's off to Houston we go tomorrow morning. I am not especially looking forward to the drive, but maybe the twins will surprise me. We have family and friends coming over to see the twins almost every night we will be in town. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and having a little bit of down time. My mom is sending me to a day spa some time during the week. Have I mentioned how much I adore my mom lately?!

Mark and I were suppose to go to his law school reunion tonight, but we opted to be lazy bums at home instead. We are both tired, and I was stressing over what to wear. I still can't come anywhere close to wearing most of my pre-pregnant clothes....or at least not the bottoms. It would have been nice to get all "prettied-up" and rejoin society for one evening though. Oh well.

The new house got inspected on Friday. Everything looks good, and we got a thumbs up from the inspector. The house is less than 2 years old, so everything is still covered under the builder's warranty.

The new pad is a lot bigger than our current house. It's going to take me forever to furnish and decorate the new place, but that's okay. I'm really excited about it, but really not looking forward to another move. Moves are always a nightmare, and this time will be especially hellish because of the twins. I don't even have time to sleep or shower every day, so I don't know how I will pack us up (Mark is of absolutely NO use when it comes to packing).

Anyway, so I am taking a week off from blogging. I hope everyone has a good week!

Under Contract

We got the house! Yippee! We are scheduled to close on May 18th.

Update & Whatnot

I have had a rough few days with the twins this week. It's becoming very difficult to put them back to sleep...especially Kate. She pretty much wants to be held at all times. I am utterly exhausted. As far as sheer exhaustion goes, this has been the worst week yet since they've been home.

My mom is coming to pick me and the twins up on Saturday, and we will be in Houston all of next week. On the one hand I am looking forward to it because I will be able to show off the twins to all of our Houston folks, Mom will be a big help with the twins, and I need a change of scenery. But I am concerned about how well the twins will do in a new environment. I am also afraid I will forget to pack something crucial since I've become so non-functional lately.

We made an offer and two counteroffers on a house we really life. After being on the market for 67 days with no offers, the house we like is now in a mini bidding war. I truly don't need this kind of stress. We made our final offer, and at this point I don't care if it's accepted or not. I like the property, but not enough to get into a game of chicken with these folks. All of this just makes me miss work even more. I miss my old world of real estate. I will definitely be returning in August or September.

Mom-to-Mom...When can we start adding a little bit of rice at nighttime?

Mom-to-Mom: Sleeping in Shifts?

Am I the only mom-of-twins sleeping in shifts?

Tonight we tried an experiment and it did not work out as planned. For the first time since the twins have been home (a month ago now), Mark and I have been sleeping in shifts. This is what our routine has been...

He gets home from work at 5:30 PM. We eat dinner together, and then I go to bed at 8 PM. He watches the twins while I sleep until 12:00 AM. Then I get up and he goes to sleep. I try to get a few cat naps during the day, but that rarely works out well since one or the other twin is up. Then I go to sleep again at 8 PM, and on and on. Mark is getting 8 hours of sleep, and I am getting 4 hours. Many times he will get overwhelmed when both twins are crying at the same time, and then he will come get me during my 4-hour sleep session. Ugh.

Anyway, tonight we decided to try doing it the way I thought it would be like all along...

We ate dinner. We watched The Sopranos and Entourage. We gave the twins a bath and fed them. We put them down to sleep, and then we went to sleep. I figured I would have to get up once or maybe twice in the night for feedings, but that I would still be able to get several hours of consecutive sleep. I was wrong. I was very wrong.

The twins have been restless and hungry. We have not be able to keep them down for more than an hour at a stretch. UGH. So now we will both be exhausted, and I don't even have my nanny to look forward to on Tuesday. I had to cancel her for Tuesday morning because the twins have a morning appointment with a pedi eye doc (follow-up from NICU exam).

I guess the twins aren't ready yet, but I am definitely ready to a normal sleep pattern (i.e., sleeping in my bed with Mark during normal sleeping hours).

So how do ya'll do it? Does everyone with twins start out sleeping in shifts like this?

House Hunting

As if I am not stressed and exhausted enough as it is, we have decided it's time to get a bigger house. So, we spent 5 hours yesterday house hunting with one of my old Realtor friends. We brought the twins with us, and they did great. It was their first big outing (besides doc visits), and we were nervous on how they would do. They had never been in the car or outside as much as they were, but they pretty much slept the entire time. We had to stop once for a quick feed and change -- at a Jack-in-the-Box no less.

We love living in the heart of Austin, but we have outgrown our house. Besides, I hate that our current neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks and the schools are questionable. So, it's back out to the 'burbs again.

On Friday they received their first round of shots. They seem to be tolerating it well, but they have been more fretful at night....especially Kate.

Me and the twins will be in Houston for an entire week starting next weekend. Mark is going on a long business trip, and I will need some help. So it's mom to the rescue again. I have a lot of family and friends in Houston, and they are all wanting to meet the babies too. I was concerned about how they would do on a car trip like that, but after seeing how well they did yesterday I feel a little better about it.

Meet the Nanny...Seriously

Now before I start talking smack about my new nanny, let me go ahead and do the required preface.

WARNING: If you are highly-sensitive about your religion then stop reading this post right now.

I am DESPERATE for help. I think she will take good care of my babies. Overall, she is a very nice lady.

Alrighty...she is exactly like the the SNL character Bobbi Mohan-Culp (the middle school choir teacher who is married to Will Ferrell's character). They sorta look the same. (I call it the 1981 librarian look.) They sound/talk exactly the same. And they are pretty much just as goofy and annoying too. But she is also so sugary sweet it's hard to really not like her.

This is not intended to start a big religion debate/fight/discussion, but Nanny Mary (appropriate name, by the way) is over-the-top religious. From talking to her, it sounds like her church is held in a strip mall. (And that kind of thing always makes me nervous.) The moment she walked in my front door she started in on her religious talk. She asked what church we go to, have the babies been baptized yet, etc.

[Oh, some quick background info...Mark and I are not religious. I was raised Catholic (VERY Catholic...Catholic school for 10 years...the uniform and rebellion, etc.) I hate labels, but I guess I would call us agnostic. I could do an entire post on how I spent my college years test-driving all the major religions only to find that I simply do not like organized religion. This also explains why I am fluent in both Latin and Hebrew.]

She really does seem very good with the babies. She has a calming effect on them. Of course, my babies are used to a high-energy, stressed out mom so Nanny Mary had the cards stacked in her favor from the get-go. It was just odd to me to walk in and hear her singing "This Little Light of Mine" while rocking Carson. It's just not the kind of thing I'm used to. In fact, since I suck at nursery songs, I end up singing stuff like "It's the End of the World" by REM (I sing it softly and not nearly as fast) or whatever else pops into my head. They also seem to like Dave Matthews.

I was a little concerned when she told me that the first word all four of her children said was, "Jesus" (she said it in an exaggerated baby voice...Je-sus). Then she started saying that to the twins as they sat in their bouncy seats. No offense, but I do have a problem with that. I thought Mark was going to explode when I told him that later that night. I laughed.

I hope I get more comfortable with Nanny Mary in my house because God knows (pun intended) I need the help. I do think she will be a great help to me. She has been doing this for 30 years, and is already giving me good advice.

When Mark got home that night I told him all about her and all the religious stuff. He was "offended" by all that crap. I'm not. As long as she doesn't shove her beliefs down my throat in my own house or kidnap my babies and have them baptized into some freaky cult, I am fine with it.

I will say that it sucks to pay $60 for a 3 1/2 hour nap! That's the going rate for sleep nowadays. Oh, and of course, the twins slept peacefully the entire time she was here!

Pedi Appointment: 2 Months Old

Kate

Birth (2/12)...2 lbs, 11 oz; 16.25 inches

NICU Discharge (3/15)...4 lbs, 4 oz

3/20...4 lbs, 8 oz

3/30...4 lbs, 14 oz

4/13...6 lbs, 3 oz; 18.5 inches

Carson

Birth (2/12)...4 lbs, 4 oz; 17.5 inches

NICU Discharge (3/15)...5 lbs, 13 oz

3/20...6 lbs, 2 oz

3/30...6 lbs, 13 oz

4/13...8 lbs, 0 oz; 21 inches

Carson is in the 92nd percentile on height on the preemie growth chart, and 75 percentile on weight. Little Kate is still trying to catch up, but she has come a long way in 2 months!

Pulse check

I am still here. I am still alive (and the twins are too!). I am still exhausted. I am still adjusting to this new life and schedule (or lack thereof).

New nanny started yesterday. She will be here only two mornings a week. Details on that when I'm not one-handed typing.

Looking forward to today's pedi appointment...I get to leave the house (!!) and I can't wait to see how much weight the babies have packed on.

Improvement

Things have been improving in my world lately. Nothing drastic, but better. It really boils down to two factors:

(1) The babies have increased the amount they are eating. This means they are sleeping for longer stretches of time. They are still doing the occasional 2-hour feeding, but the majority of the time they are lasting 3 and 4 hours. This gives me time to do things around the house, have some down time, and cat nap. I have had to learn the art of cat napping. A good 30-minute nap can give me enough fuel to function longer. Kate is still my -- ahem -- "challenging" twin, but she is also more alert now. When she is alert and happy, she is the cutest baby on the planet. She is very bright-eyed and inquisitive. Carson is my sweet, cuddly twin. He is the kind of baby all pregnant women dream about. He doesn't seem as interested in the world around him as his sister is. He seems content just being held, talked to, and looking at his holder.

(2) I have surrendered. It has taken me 3-weeks to do so, but I have finally surrendered to the idea that this is my life right now. I am taking it day-by-day and reminding myself that this time period is just temporary. I miss working. Well, not so much working, but I miss seeing other adults, having a reason to get dressed in the mornings, and just simply leaving the house. But I am trying not to dwell on all that. I am trying (though not always successfully) to focus on how much the twins are growing and changing on a daily basis, how cute they are, how much they need me right now, etc.

I guess a third factor would be confidence. Before the twins came home, I was 100% baby ignorant. I had never been around babies. I had never taken care of babies. I knew nothing. So, I stressed over everything. After 3-weeks though, I have more confidence in the situation. I no longer stress like I did before. I no longer drop everything and run when one of them makes the slightest sound. Talk about a crash course!

Stranger Comment: Translation Needed

I had been meaning to post this last week, but, well...life is busy right now. Anyway, last week we (me, Mark & the twins) went up to the hospital for a baby CPR class offered at the NICU. We were in a rush, struggling with the new double car seat stroller that we had never used before, and flat-out exhausted. We finally made it into the hospital and were waiting in the lobby for the elevator. I was pushing the stroller, so I had my hands resting on the handle bar. A middle-aged woman looked over at us and the twins -- which, by the way, I am still not used to all the stares -- and said...

"What a beautiful ring. Looks like you are earning it now."

Huh? Can someone please translate that comment for me? She was referring to my wedding ring and it sounded a lot like an insult (especially given her facial expression at the time she said it). I was too stressed to do anything but give her a look. When we got settled down in the class, Mark leaned over and said he couldn't believe I let a comment like that slide from a complete stranger. I guess stress and exhaustion is cooling my temper.

Due Date

Well, it has finally arrived! My official, full-term, 40-week due date is today...Easter. Of course, I gave birth on February 12th -- which now feels like a lifetime ago and reminds me yet again just how early the twins really came.

We had a big family gathering at our house yesterday. My grandfather (aka Papa) got to meet the twins for the first time. It was nice getting several of my aunts, uncles and cousins over for a big meal. I've always loved family time, but I especially love it now since they just whisk the twins away the moment they walk in the door. I am convinced my family thinks we are the two biggest liars on the planet because the twins are perfect, sweet, non-fussy angels when we have guests over. The moment everyone leaves, of course, they cry, scream and keep us up all night. Anyway, we had a good time.

Damn, it is COLD here in Austin. We had freezing rain, sleet, and all that good stuff yesterday which had never happened in central Texas in April. Last week I had on the A/C and was walking around the house in shorts.

My mom was here for the weekend which was awesome. When my mom is here that means I get to sleep a a full night's rest.

Now I don't want to jinx myself here, BUT...the twins seem to be doing a little better. They have increased their food in the last few days and are sleeping for longer periods of time between feedings. Carson is taking 3 to 3.5 ounces now (up from 2 oz), and Kate is taking 2.5 ounces regularly (up from 1 to 2 oz). During the day they are often sleeping 3-4 hours at a stretch. Carson is also sleeping that long at night, but Kate is getting up every 2-ish hours between 12 AM and 8 AM. I've also noticed that their awake/alert/active periods are getting longer during the day. Instead of eating and then wanting to go straight back to sleep, they are now wanting to be a part of the action. They look around, they play in their bouncy seats, etc...the last thing they want is to go back to bed.

Oh, and I did not get to meet the possible nanny on Friday. There was a miscommunication thanks to the King of Miscommunication (Mark). Apparently, he did not tell her that I was coming up to his office that afternoon with the twins for the Egg Hunt and wanted to meet her. She thought I was coming to see her next week. So now I have to figure out a way to go up there next week.

Possible Nanny Found...Yippee!

It's too soon to say with certainty, but I may have found some nanny help!

At Mark's law office, they have a day care (thanks to progressive female law partners!) that the twins will eventually be going to. However, since they are so preemie, the pedi doesn't want them to go there until they are about 8 months old. Anyway, there is a woman and her two adult daughters who run the day care at Mark's office. Mark talked to the older woman (the mom) about our situation at home and how we desperately need nanny help until the twins are old enough to go to the day care. (Knowing him, he probably told her his wife has become a bitchy basketcase and that *I* need help.) She showed a lot of interest in the gig. Since her daughters are pretty much running the day care on their own, she would love a nanny job during the week and especially in the mornings. She has a ton of experience, she's CPR certified, has a state license, etc.

This afternoon I am taking the twins up to his office in their Easter clothes for the office Easter egg hunt for the children of the employees. I will get to meet her and see if she will be a good fit for us then. I am so excited! I hope this works out.

Fingers crossed!

What I've Learned So Far...

The twins have now been home from the NICU for 3 weeks. Here’s a small portion of the things I have learned since then…

* Keep my nails cut very short. I have naturally long, nice nails (thanks Mom), but I find it’s hard to do all of the daily baby stuff with them…especially burping.

* You can never have too many bibs, cloth diapers/burp rags, and the like because babies are messy eaters!

* It is essential to keep a suction bulb in every room of the house. There’s nothing like having a choking baby and running through the house trying to find the damn suction bulb. I now have one everywhere, including the car and the diaper bag.

* Using a tiny whisk is great for mixing the formula in the bottle. If I shake it up (like the instructions say), you end up with foamy, bubbly formula.

* Both twins are mid-morning poopers.

* Make sure to pull Kate’s diaper up high in the back or else I will be changing her outfit in an hour.

* Both twins love bath time. It’s really the only time in which they seem happy and peaceful, so drag out bath time as long as possible.

* Both twins hate having their diaper changed, and they also hate putting on clothes that require something going over their heads. I have been trying to find outfits that snap straight down the front just to avoid the wrestling match that ensues over the head issue.

* The Diaper Champ was a waste of money. With the amount of diapers the twins go through in a single day, I don’t have the time, energy or desire to change out the bag four times a day. So we bought a new kitchen-sized trash can with a sealed lid for the nursery and empty it once a day.

* The twins have an uncanny ability to sense right when I’m about to loose my mind due to lack of sleep, stress, and/or frustration. That’s when the coo and throw me a smile. I like to think they have an inner dialogue that goes something like, “Opps, Mom’s about the crack up. I’ve pushed her too far again. I better smile and show her what a cute baby I can be.”

* The twins also have an uncanny ability to know when I am starving and finally about to eat. I think they save up their fussiness especially for those times.

* Savor showers. Savor sleep. Savor trips out of the house alone. Savor time alone with husband. Savor time to talk on the phone. Savor 3-hour stretches between feedings.

* You must get a burp out of them halfway through the feeding and then once they are finished. If you don’t, there will be hell to pay later.

* I am averaging 30 bottles per day. It usually takes roughly 30 minutes for them to finish off one bottle. So, that's approximately 15 hours per day of just feeding…not including bottle prep, washing/sterilizing the bottles, burping, soothing back the sleep, etc.

And the list could go on and on, but it’s 3:38 AM and time for another feeding.

Still trying to adjust

Today was the first day I was completely on my own with the twins. Mom was gone, Mark was at work, and I was flying solo. My new schedule is to sleep from 7 PM (after Mark gets home and we eat dinner) to midnight. Mark is on "duty" then. Then I get up at midnight and stay up until 7 PM again. Naps are not possible during the day. Carson is doing pretty good at sleeping 3 and almost 4 hours between most feedings (but not all), but Kate is still eating every hour and half to two hours. Essentially, Mark and I are just two ships passing in the night. I don't know how we are going to do this with no help. [I still haven't heard anything from my nanny ads.]

The nightmare moment of the day came at around 2 PM. Both of the twins were screaming and hungry, both had major poop in their diapers, Kate had partially removed her diaper so there was poop on the blanket and clothes, the phone was ringing non-stop, and I was about to pee in my own pants. N-I-G-H-T-M-A-R-E scenario! It was the only time throughout my first solo day that I thought I was going to lose my cool. This is also a fine example of why I don't want them on the same feeding schedule. I like having them 30-45 minutes apart.

Everyone keeps telling me things will start to get better. When? When does it start to get better? I don't even see my husband anymore. I am in a chronic state of exhaustion, and I don't like that I have to sleep from 7PM to midnight because that just isolates me further from my friends and family (no phone calls while I am sleeping). I never leave the house anymore. I need a light at the end of the tunnel...when will it start improving? When they are 3 months? 6 months?

To be honest, it's Kate that is wearing me down. She has to eat so frequently, she is hard to put back to bed, and it seems like there isn't a waking moment in which she is not screaming her head off (not crying, but screaming). I don't get cuddle time with her at all. She doesn't seem to want it. If she isn't sleeping then she is extremely hungry. When I was pregnant, she was the one I felt the most "bonded" to. She kicked me constantly and I could almost predict her moods in utero. Now that she is out, she doesn't want anything to do with me unless I have a bottle in my hand. Carson is just the opposite of all that. My family calls him "lover boy" because he loves to cuddle, hold hands, look at people and smile. Is it normal to feel distant from Kate? I keep telling my mom that I wish she would just so me a tiny amount of affection or seem to enjoy the affection I give her. It's the strangest thing, and sometimes (especially when I am up with her for the millionth time) it hurts my feelings. How crazy am I?

Lee Harvey Oswald

This is how twisted my mind works sometimes. I have been referring to the above photo of Kate as her "Lee Harvey Oswald impression"...now you can see why.

Random Bullets of Crappola: Weekend Edition

Since I am way too tired to put this into paragraph form, I am resorting to my lazy format...

• I forgot to post the twins' stats from their last pedi appointment last Friday. Carson is now 6 lbs, 13 oz & Kate is 4 lbs, 14.5 oz. They are both doing well, but the pedi wants Kate to start packing on the weight at a faster rate.


• My mom went back home to Houston on Sunday morning. I really thought I would be the one to cry since she helped us so much the last 2 weeks, but she was the one who cried. She is talking more and more about retiring in July and moving to San Antonio to help my 81-year old grandfather. If she did that, she would only be 100 miles from me -- which by Texas standards is like living across the street -- and would be able to help me a few days a week.


• Carson slept for 4 straight hours last night! That has never happened before, and I ended up waking him up to feed.


• I love the fact that Mark forgets the baby monitor is turned on sometimes. I can sit in the living room or home office and listen to him talk to the twins in their nursery. He tells them the funniest stories.


• How do you respond to an emo-looking teenaged cashier at Target who says, "So, you learned your lesson the first time, eh? I hope so. There are too many damn people in this world as it is!"...that was in response to noticing I had diapers, formula, and a pack of condoms in my shopping cart. (This all may fall under the category of TMI, but oh well. The condoms were a strange thing to buy, but it was a "just-in-case" item since I haven't started back on the Pill yet.) Had I been well-rested, I am sure I would have torn into that kid, but I was just too tired to care. I ended up just sighing and saying, "Oh shut the hell up."


• The transition from the Pack-n-Play to the nursery hasn't been too bad. However, we are keeping them in the same crib because when we put them in their own separate cribs they cried non-stop. We put them together in a single crib (with sleep positioners dividing them), and they love it. I love having them in their own room. I don't feel like I have to tip-toe around anymore.


• My mom bought me a Dyson vacuum cleaner for my 30th birthday, and I totally dig it! First of all, it's a sad, sad fact that I am in love with a vacuum cleaner or that I was excited I got one for a birthday gift, but it is true! I even did the "test"...I vacuum the master bedroom with our old vacuum and then did it with the Dyson to see how much the first one missed. I am so ashamed to admit that.

Photo: Here is my favorite Carson photo.

Photo Shoot @ 6-weeks old

Instead of loading all of them on here, I added a link if anyone wants to see the entire collection of twins' first professional photo shoot from last weekend. We will probably shoot them every 3 months until they are a year.

Anyway, so here are the twins at 6-weeks old. Let me know (or leave a comment on the photo) which ones you like best. I'm still trying to decide which ones I want printed.

Kate & Carson's Newborn Photo Shoot